insert bird pun here (OPEN)

[guerrilla]

Who: Robin Hood, a flock of robins, and anyone unfortunate enough to somehow get roped into this.
When: Mid-September /vaguely waves hand
Where: Gammon
What: Introducing the new band, Robin and the Robins
Rating: N/A

[Robin's ranked up recently. People who actually bother to speak to this cactus of a man might have already noticed he swapped out his badge, but he hasn't made any announcements or anything, and he doesn't plan to make one any time soon.

He might not need to, though, as it turns out. He's a Bishop with the Tamer specialization, and his charming ability has gone haywire. Fortunately, while numerous, the animals he's attracted aren't dangerous or anything. In some cosmic joke he finds extremely unfunny, he's being followed by a little more than 30 robins. He can be found in various states of torment throughout the day...]

a. birdemic: shock and terror

[Taking a leaf out of his Carrier's book, the flock of robins crowding his shoulders and arms has become extremely possessive of their mark, chirping angrily at and occasionally trying to attack people who get too close. He's not about to let this happen, but whenever he tries to shoo them away or intervene in a divebombing attempt, the ire of the entire flock turns on him instead.

It's pretty funny, actually.]

b. beaks: the movie

[If it looks like a crowd of small birds has somehow intimidated a grown-ass man to hide like a coward, it's because that's exactly what happened.

The robins have all perched on a roof somewhere, clearly agitated, their collective tweets and titters almost deafening. They've lost sight of Robin, who's managed to lose them around the corner of an alleyway for a while. Every once in a while he'll peer out only to quickly duck back behind the wall, cursing under his breath once he sees they're still there. His hands are loosely cupped together, his Carrier's head poking out from between his fingers. Marian's been picking fights with the robins ever since they showed up, and letting her go would risk getting her hurt, but more importantly, it might give him away.]

Could you chill for five seconds, maybe...

[Regrettably, his Carrier, like Robin himself, has no chill to give.]

c. poultrygeist: night of the chicken dead

[By this point, he's given up. Nothing he's managed to do has convinced them to leave, so he's settled down somewhere, covered in small sleeping birds, grouchily smoking a cigarette. His Carrier has somehow managed to boot them all out of her favorite spot atop his head, one bluebird amid a veritable swarm of robins. It'd almost be cute, if the person they were all over weren't so obviously displeased with the situation. Anyone who spends more than a second or two staring gets a nasty glare from Robin, who's little more than a glorified birdhouse at this point.]

Keep walking.

d. alfred hitchcock's the birds

[the wildcard option.]

Comments

b

[ateaist]

[Yeah good job avoiding those birds so far.

Unfortunately, there's the sound of rustling nearby as another bird emerges from beneath some garbage bags in that same alley. At first its only interest seems to be in attempting to rip open one of the bags it was under just a moment ago, but it quickly turns to Robin and gives him a curious look, head tilted.

It hops forward once.

And again.

And then just stares, totally quiet.]

[guerrilla]

[Oh no, now there's a bird made of garbage here too.

Maybe if he sidles away behind this pile of trash he'll be able to avoid it.]

[ateaist]

[Nope. It's coming for you, Robin. It's hopping forward again. It's-]]

OIIIIIIII!! You miserable little pile of springs, where did you run off to this time??

[It's distant, but she's living up to her name of being loud as hell. The clockwork bird suddenly dives beneath some trash once again, as within four or five seconds Nobunaga is stood at the entrance to the alleyway.]

Does everyone else have to put up with this kind of useless carrier nonsense? Honestly...

[She hasn't noticed Robin yet, but...

She sure is attracting a lot of attention with that lack of volume control.]

If you're in here, you better show yourself. I'll pick you apart piece by piece if I have to sort through garbage just to find you.

[guerrilla]

[Robin seriously considers his options here.

On one hand, Loud Archer is pretty annoying, so if he can just stay hidden, he might not have to deal with her at all. But if he doesn't say anything, and she finds him anyway, he gets the feeling that would be worse, somehow...maybe if he tells her where her Carrier is, she'll politely thank him and leave?

Haha, no, he doesn't know her all that well yet, but he knows enough to be certain that would never happen. It might expedite her leaving, regardless, though, since it means less search time...there's not really any way to avoid interacting with her, so he might as well try to make it as quick as possible. He peers out from behind his trash pile and points at the bag her Carrier was picking at earlier.]

It went beneath those trash bags.

b i guess? IT'S ALL THE SAME TO KOJIROU TBH

[hiryugaeshi]

[ Oh, look. It's birds. Kojirou's just walking past, but he's a man who loves birds, so how could he not investigate this mysterious flock of avians?

It's not that hard to find Robin from there. ]

Ah, it's you, Green Archer. I see you're having some trouble with birds today. Would you like my help?

[ He's pretty cheerful today, for some reason? ]

[guerrilla]

[billy laughing in the distance]

Ideally, I'd like to make it to the end of the day without having to clean up that many dead birds.

[hiryugaeshi]

I don't have to kill them. That seems like quite the waste of effort, considering these birds don't even shoot beams from their beaks.

[ He nods, arms crossed over his chest, saying something completely ludicrous like it's no big deal. ]

There are ways to get rid of birds besides a sword.

[guerrilla]

From their - what?

[He can confirm there haven't been any beams, but are there really birds like that...Kojirou is a weird guy.]

I've tried everything I can think of and they haven't left yet, but if you've got any ideas, be my guest.

A

[chronosynthesis]

[Syrlya is none the wiser as he approaches Robin with an amused smile, probably too close for the possessive birds.] My, my, you really are closer to the forest. Are you training them?

[guerrilla]

[Not that he doesn't appreciate the compliment, but he'll have time for warm fuzzies later. (No he won't.)]

Something tells me they aren't in the mood to listen to me, even if I was.

[He's waving his cloak at them like a bullfighter, trying to divert them after a few of them decide they don't like how close Syrlya is getting.]

[chronosynthesis]

Why do--oh! [Syrlya leans back as one swipes around at him, putting a hand to his chest.] They're awfully protective of you.

[That's a word for it. He takes a step back to try and placate the birds.] Has... this been happening for a while?

[guerrilla]

They've been stalking me for a few hours. I dunno what I did, but I can't get them to leave. I've almost lost an eye to one of the damn things.

[Three of them settle on his head, only to immediately get chased off by his furiously jealous Carrier.]

They're brats, every single one of them.

SLAMS DOWN ON C

[armorial]

[ She does stare, unfortunately. It's hard not to when there's a grown, exasperated man... Lodging with a flock of robins. Her own carrier, a small white lion cub, hides behind her ankles. They practically looks like a collective monster?? There's everything to be afraid of?

Robin doesn't seem pleased; the attention he's getting from her and anyone else has surely sullied whatever good mood he had (if any). Quiet, she turns away and takes a couple of steps to leave, but stops in her tracks to look back. ]

Are you in need of assistance?

UGH IM SO SORRY FOR THIS PLEASE END HIM

[guerrilla]

[He's about to tell her to mind her own business, but I can't resist a Saberface joke actually looking at her to tell her off just ends up resulting in a really long, awkward pause.]

...Saber?

[Something doesn't seem quite right, though.]

Even if I did need help, I'd rather die than ask you for it.

no i have been waiting for this

[armorial]

[ Quiet, she only stands there staring at him and his birds.

Not only does he seem to know her title, apparently he doesn't like her? Usually, this isn't a problem. She wouldn't consider herself the best of company, but the worst? That he would rather die?

What has she done to him?? ]

My apologies, but I do not think we have ever met.

cries

[guerrilla]

[Apologies...does she have a fever? Well, it doesn't matter. He stands abruptly, startling the birds sleeping on him. Several of them gather on a nearby roof, spectating this standoff of sorts, while the rest of them just try to keep their balance.]

Did you seriously forget...

[Somehow he's insulted? On one hand, he'd like nothing better than to forget Saber and her arrogant attitude, but it feels totally different to be on the other end of that.]

I know I'm not the most memorable guy, but you could at least make an effort for another participant in the Holy Grail War, right? You'd think killing a guy would stick out in your memory a little more.

[Unless she's just completely forgotten the entire Moon Cell? He's apparently forgotten an entire campaign himself, so it's not all that far-fetched...still, it makes him mad thinking about it.]

A

[wantnotneed]

[ when there's a huge amount of birds in the vicinity, the little fox carrier yaps at them viciously(?) while Mammon looks at this... interesting scenery. Damn. This got disney princess from 0 to 100 real quick. One would expect a musical number any minute now.

Mammon calls for her carrier to come back, but it doesn't listen to her and only dashes at the birds and yaps more. What does the fox say? Nothing, because it's an idiot. Mammon just... squints. Her carrier had a bad day before, but she's wondering if the yapping would even pull away the birds' attention from the poor green man.

Well, she has some sunflower seeds for her carrier. Maybe it'll work on the birds? So she tosses a handful to the floor.

Bird watching ensues. ]

[guerrilla]

[you mean delsney princess right

Robin looks like he's about to develop an ulcer and die when the fox decides to join the, uh, fun, but its owner calling for it at least makes him realize it's a Carrier and not just some random fox he's managed to attract.

The seeds do manage to distract some of the birds, but as soon as Robin tries sidling away from them, they quickly resume their attempts to follow him. Taking a few steps back over to the seeds gets them on the ground again, which isn't ideal, but still better than being all over him. He can't just rely on someone to waste all their sunflower seeds on something this stupid, though, so...]

...You think they'll let me in somewhere to buy seeds if I'm covered in birds?

[wantnotneed]

[ maybe they'll have one on the moon

She looks at the flock and just... nah. ]

I think the birds would eat all of them before you even have a chance to buy any.

[ She laughs. Sorry, Robin. This is amusing to her... ]

Perhaps they're infused with evil spirits! I heard you had to throw beans at them to make them go away. [ Irony. But she's also joking. ]

[guerrilla]

I dunno, they're pretty stupid, so I think they're just normal birds.

[He's still staring at the seeds, a thoughtful look on his face as he casually drags some of them toward himself with one of his feet.]

Though, if these are already here anyway...I guess if I poisoned them, that'd solve my problems. I might be able to work with this if I have to.

[He'd really rather not kill an entire flock of birds, but, you know, it's always good to have a Plan B.

Plan B is always "just kill your way out of it", or at least, it always is for Robin.]

a.

[locktouches]

[you're not kidding it's funny.

Genuinely, there's nothing funnier than watching someone get one-upped by nature and all her residents. However, he's not about to get himself on the bad side of a mass of overly affectionate birds. Well, not right now at least.

He has the advantage of Deamplify, and any chance he gets to work with something that lets him suppress sounds he makes when walking is a chance he's willing to abuse. So he works on carefully muffling any sounds he makes as he sidles up behind Robin and his new friends.

Once he's close enough, he shoots the cat perched on his shoulder a glance, and switches to the Amplify magic just as she lets out a piercing yowl. You're welcome, Robin.]

Having fun there?

[guerrilla]

[HE'LL TELL YOUR DAUGHTER ON YOU, NILES...or he would if he knew they were related.

Robin swears loudly as the cat screeches, and the birds successfully scatter, convening on a nearby roof, every beady little eye fixed on him, waiting until the guy with the cat leaves. They're patient.]

Yeah, having a bunch of shitty birds make a nest in my hair is my favorite hobby.

[His voice drips with sarcasm while he takes a moment to remove several twigs from his hair. Looks like he wasn't kidding.]

[locktouches]

[He MIGHT be worried... if he knew he had a daughter. I sense soap opera drama on the horizon...

Also wow stay away from the daughter-he-doesn't-know-he-has, creep.]

Well it does look of a reasonable thickness and consistency for a bird's nest so I'll give them that much.

[Meow has leapt from Niles' shoulder and is pawing around, eyeing the birds carefully. Good luck, little carrier.]

You're welcome for the brief reprieve, by the way.

d. this tag is really dumb tho, gomen

[stonehead]

[what could possibly prove a bigger headache than suffering swarms of robins chirping in your ears all day long? how about the sudden arrival of the world's most vocal and most annoying doge barking up a storm. A WILD SHIBA INU APPEARS! the pudgy little thing immediately darts onto the scene seemingly out of nowhere and begins to chase after the birds, bouncing playfully and barking his little head off. he doesn't actually manage to catch one but he sure is giving it his all, running after them in circles like it's his job and his boss is pressuring him to complete his assignment or else he's fired. then he'll become a hobo doge and have to beg for scraps and eat out of trash cans which is no bueno. AND THEN HOW WILL HE PROVIDE FOR HIS WIFE DOGIA AND THEIR PUPS??? except he doesn't have a wife or pups but he figures someday he will so he will need a way to support them!!! so. gotta chase the birds!! GOTTA GO FAST!!!

...back to reality...

not long after this madness ensues, someone appears to be approaching from the same direction the dog first appeared- the owner, perhaps? Shiki strolls up to the scene nonchalant with her hands stuffed in her pockets. eventually she pauses and casts a sidelong glance at the chaos of squawking birds and the yippy mutt with Robin trapped in the center of it all.]

What a hassle...

[except the way she says that leads one to believe she has zero sympathy for Robin's current predicament an is instead simply exasperated that it's happening at all.]

omg no i'd watch this shibe soap opera tbh

[guerrilla]

No shit.

[She's definitely got the smaller hassle here, as far as Robin is concerned.]

It was less of a hassle before your damn fleabag showed up, though.

[Despite the bitter tone of his voice, he hasn't done anything in an attempt to get the shiba away from him. Not even the shittiest Robin Hood in history is a bad enough dude to kick a dog.]