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insert bird pun here (OPEN)
Who: Robin Hood, a flock of robins, and anyone unfortunate enough to somehow get roped into this.
When: Mid-September /vaguely waves hand
Where: Gammon
What: Introducing the new band, Robin and the Robins
Rating: N/A
[Robin's ranked up recently. People who actually bother to speak to this cactus of a man might have already noticed he swapped out his badge, but he hasn't made any announcements or anything, and he doesn't plan to make one any time soon.
He might not need to, though, as it turns out. He's a Bishop with the Tamer specialization, and his charming ability has gone haywire. Fortunately, while numerous, the animals he's attracted aren't dangerous or anything. In some cosmic joke he finds extremely unfunny, he's being followed by a little more than 30 robins. He can be found in various states of torment throughout the day...]
a. birdemic: shock and terror
[Taking a leaf out of his Carrier's book, the flock of robins crowding his shoulders and arms has become extremely possessive of their mark, chirping angrily at and occasionally trying to attack people who get too close. He's not about to let this happen, but whenever he tries to shoo them away or intervene in a divebombing attempt, the ire of the entire flock turns on him instead.
It's pretty funny, actually.]
b. beaks: the movie
[If it looks like a crowd of small birds has somehow intimidated a grown-ass man to hide like a coward, it's because that's exactly what happened.
The robins have all perched on a roof somewhere, clearly agitated, their collective tweets and titters almost deafening. They've lost sight of Robin, who's managed to lose them around the corner of an alleyway for a while. Every once in a while he'll peer out only to quickly duck back behind the wall, cursing under his breath once he sees they're still there. His hands are loosely cupped together, his Carrier's head poking out from between his fingers. Marian's been picking fights with the robins ever since they showed up, and letting her go would risk getting her hurt, but more importantly, it might give him away.]
Could you chill for five seconds, maybe...
[Regrettably, his Carrier, like Robin himself, has no chill to give.]
c. poultrygeist: night of the chicken dead
[By this point, he's given up. Nothing he's managed to do has convinced them to leave, so he's settled down somewhere, covered in small sleeping birds, grouchily smoking a cigarette. His Carrier has somehow managed to boot them all out of her favorite spot atop his head, one bluebird amid a veritable swarm of robins. It'd almost be cute, if the person they were all over weren't so obviously displeased with the situation. Anyone who spends more than a second or two staring gets a nasty glare from Robin, who's little more than a glorified birdhouse at this point.]
Keep walking.
d. alfred hitchcock's the birds
[the wildcard option.]
When: Mid-September /vaguely waves hand
Where: Gammon
What: Introducing the new band, Robin and the Robins
Rating: N/A
[Robin's ranked up recently. People who actually bother to speak to this cactus of a man might have already noticed he swapped out his badge, but he hasn't made any announcements or anything, and he doesn't plan to make one any time soon.
He might not need to, though, as it turns out. He's a Bishop with the Tamer specialization, and his charming ability has gone haywire. Fortunately, while numerous, the animals he's attracted aren't dangerous or anything. In some cosmic joke he finds extremely unfunny, he's being followed by a little more than 30 robins. He can be found in various states of torment throughout the day...]
a. birdemic: shock and terror
[Taking a leaf out of his Carrier's book, the flock of robins crowding his shoulders and arms has become extremely possessive of their mark, chirping angrily at and occasionally trying to attack people who get too close. He's not about to let this happen, but whenever he tries to shoo them away or intervene in a divebombing attempt, the ire of the entire flock turns on him instead.
It's pretty funny, actually.]
b. beaks: the movie
[If it looks like a crowd of small birds has somehow intimidated a grown-ass man to hide like a coward, it's because that's exactly what happened.
The robins have all perched on a roof somewhere, clearly agitated, their collective tweets and titters almost deafening. They've lost sight of Robin, who's managed to lose them around the corner of an alleyway for a while. Every once in a while he'll peer out only to quickly duck back behind the wall, cursing under his breath once he sees they're still there. His hands are loosely cupped together, his Carrier's head poking out from between his fingers. Marian's been picking fights with the robins ever since they showed up, and letting her go would risk getting her hurt, but more importantly, it might give him away.]
Could you chill for five seconds, maybe...
[Regrettably, his Carrier, like Robin himself, has no chill to give.]
c. poultrygeist: night of the chicken dead
[By this point, he's given up. Nothing he's managed to do has convinced them to leave, so he's settled down somewhere, covered in small sleeping birds, grouchily smoking a cigarette. His Carrier has somehow managed to boot them all out of her favorite spot atop his head, one bluebird amid a veritable swarm of robins. It'd almost be cute, if the person they were all over weren't so obviously displeased with the situation. Anyone who spends more than a second or two staring gets a nasty glare from Robin, who's little more than a glorified birdhouse at this point.]
Keep walking.
d. alfred hitchcock's the birds
[the wildcard option.]
no subject
[Notably, he isn't actually mentioning what his puny legend is.]
...That's a lot of words to say I just felt like pissing you off, though. Maybe I should have just started with that.
[His Needless Antagonism rank is EX.]
no subject
[ She doesn't think less of him for who he is (whoever that may be)--it's not like he can get any lower than this anyway...! His grievances do not make her feel any sympathy nor pity here. ]
Then I should hope you do not treat other people like this. I would worry for your safety.
[ She is a graceful and kind king even if she seeks justice for her small rack. For now, she will spare him from harsh words, but not this dark glower. ]
no subject
I do, actually, but nobody's ever tried to retaliate or anything, so there isn't really a reason for me to stop.
[Frankly, he's surprised at how lenient people have been with his shitty attitude.]
Besides, if you'd kept walking like I told you to, we wouldn't have had this conversation in the first place, so if you think about it, you got yourself into this.
no subject
[ She's taking in all he says, including the part where he practically scolds her for not dumping his bitch ass with all the robins. She's quiet, almost contemplative. While usually she has the patience for most things, it's hard for her to lend that to someone that won't show her the same respect she gives them. ]
So, if threatened, would you feel some remorse for your insolence?
[ she is ready to beat the shit out of you ]
no subject
[He wouldn't really feel bad, though. He works really hard to be a pain.]
no subject
[ LIKE CALLING HER A VILE SABER? But at this point, she might as well be a vile saber. He definitely got on her bad side. ]
While you have only been impolite, it does not mean I would stoop so low as to treat you any less of a person.
no subject
[He isn't moved.]
In exchange, if you want to lecture me about my manners, I'll sit here and pretend to listen. But only until I get bored.
[Him and approximately 30 small birds.]
no subject
Instead, she raises her hand, holding it towards him, before whispering an incantation. Then all the birds seem to fly away... Curing a status effect is part of a support's role. ]
Fortunately, I'm not one for long-winded and extraneous speeches.
no subject
A noble that doesn't leap at the chance to hear herself talk. I really am attracting all kinds of interesting animals today.
[Apparently "thanks" is simply too much for him to muster.]
no subject
[ She should take offense to being bunched with animals, actually she does. Not that there's anything wrong with animals, but that he's making it sound that way. Is it awful of her to wish a bear would attack him?
Probably not. ]
It seems that you charmed all those birds. Are you not able to control your new abilities?
no subject
[The sarcasm dripping from his voice is almost tangible.]
no subject
[ Since they're talking about birds. It's not a robin, but she guesses it's relevant? Saber's patience seems to go far as long as the other person isn't trying to claim her hand in marriage. ]
If you ever find yourself buried in more robins, a king should be able to cure them of their ailments.