[open] They didn't have taro ice cream bars and I'm still vaguely butthurt.

[convictionary]

Who: Gaius (convictionary) and various and sundry other people, yes, it's ice cream time.
When: Post-Lasker intro log
Where: Lasker, starting off in an ice cream parlor because I can.
What: Investigating Lasker stuff while eating ice cream.
Rating: Probably some innuendo and mild cursing because it's me, and I might use a vulgar metaphor and/or analogy at some point.

[So, as Gaius stared at the ice cream bar shaped vaguely like Kaito's head (chocolate flavored) he couldn't help but say.]

That ain't right.

[They could get to Double Duo and doing other things in a second. Right now he's distracted by ice cream bars shaped like people he knew.]

Comments

[topkong]

Well, yeah. In name. I mean, no other monkey wanted to be king, so...

[ Just a title. ]

You could be a king if you wanted to be. Not like, you know, a King-king, but a king-king.

[ But not King Kong, okay? ]

[convictionary]

Cripes, what would I be the king of? And, now you got me thinking about it...how many of the kings 'round here do you think are King kings and how many more of the king king type?

[topkong]

No clue. I've never really cared for royalty that wasn't me... and even then, I guess my title is more informal than formal.

[ So he's a knight-not-king? Something like that. ]

You could be the king of ice cream. Maybe you could get a crown to make it Official.

[convictionary]

...hey! I like the way you think, Fuzz! [Jae-ha was established as banana and nut so he's going to pass one of those over to Wukong, in case that's his thing.] We could get matching crowns. Pretend like we're a couple of fancy blueblood dandies strutting around. Exa- er, King Gaius of Ice Cream.

[topkong]

... The most kingliest of kings. [ It's hard for him to not smirk about Gaius' new title. It's a little silly but what's not to like about ice cream, especially as he takes the banana and nut Jae-ha bar and gives it a good look. ]

Wonder how expensive crowns are. [ Chomp. Chew chew. ] Also, exa-what? Exalt? Exiled? Examiner?

[ One of those words is not like the other. ]

[convictionary]

Yeah, Exalt. You heard of 'em? [He got it right on the first try so seems legit. Maybe Wukong's a monkey taguel? Does that mean he can transform with a beaststone?]

[topkong]

Of them? I knew of a few leaders back home that thought of themselves to be higher than royalty. Don't think they're anything like what you know.

[ If he had a beaststone, could Wukong become double monkey?! Incredible... the potential is ridiculous. ]

[convictionary]

Oh.

[...]

Nah, Chrom's good people and his sister's the type that you don't think is a blue blood just listening to her. Never really knew why they called themselves exalts and not kings or queens.

So, I got a question for you, Fuzz.

[They're going to explore double monkey, yes.] You the type who transforms when you get your hands on a beaststone or...?

[topkong]

[ Well, now Wukong's just a little confused! 'Chrom' and 'sister' and honestly he's stuck on 'Fuzz'.

His quizzical expression should probably clue Gaius on his state. ]

Beaststone? I mean... I don't know what that is, but if we find one around here, I'll be happy to touch it and then see what happens?

[ Magic? Science? You be the judge. ]

[convictionary]

...yes.

[Oh yes, they've now got a quest. Sayonara, ice cream shop - he'll toss down a few coins for the Vietnam he's poised to wolf down, but they are going to explore Lasker in the hopes of finding a beaststone.

Hell fucking yes.]

Alright, Fuzz, basically back home we got these people called taguels. They're like you, 'cept rabbitish. Whenever they worked one of those beaststones - don't ask me how, I'm not one - they turned into a giant...rabbit...thing, point being, we oughta see if you're the same because cripes, imagine doing that in battle.

[topkong]

[ Squint. ]

So... you wanna see if I can turn into a giant rabbit thing. I see.

[ Cue Wukong trying to figure out if he'd look cooler that way, but he lacks a very strong imagination for this. All he can muster is a series of gradual and increasingly confused faces that eventually dissolve into a nervous chuckle... ]

I mean, okay. I'm all up for trying to be a better fighter. I'd rather keep my own sleek figure though. Gotta do it for someone particular, you know.

[convictionary]

Don't worry too hard about it, Fuzz! [He's comfortable enough with Wukong at this point that he's slipping him a Jae-ha (banana and nut) as they exit the store and make it around the turn.] Panne, the friend of mine, turned back after she was done. So, if you're the same as her, you'll just be able to turn into a large...thing for a couple of minutes and go back to the same ol' you you are now.

[topkong]

Huh. [ Well, having the ice cream bar thrust upon him makes him stop for a second even though his feet keep on moving, staying near Gaius as they make their way out of the store. ] Well, I mean... what if I'm not the same as her? She sounds very nice, I've always like rabbits and all, but... you know. What if I touch it and I explode or something?

[ And then he stops. ]

... what if I turn into a large thing and then turn into a bunny? Or worse, what if I turn into a not-monkey?!

[ He's worrying. HE'S TURBO WORRYING ]

[convictionary]

[He stops as well. And then, curiously,]

Huh. That ever happen to you before, Fuzz?

[Yes, he might be missing the point.]

[topkong]

EXPLODE? Yes. It's happened. It's not fun. I don't like exploding.

[ Just in case, he gives another answer with a quieter, reserved tone: ]

Also yes, I've been turned into a cupcake once.

[ He looks away, embarrassed. ]

... that was also not fun.

[convictionary]

...

[...he's not sure how he feels about that.]

You're kidding me. You became a gods damned cupcake?

[topkong]

Yep. I suggest not pissing off tiny, furry shortpuffs that have a penchant for firing off crazy spells that can do anything.

[ Sigh. He remembers being a frosted one, with little banana shaped sprinkles.

This only lasted for seconds, but he will never forget. ]

If I ever see her again, I'll let you know. You can live your wildest dreams being a dessert.

[convictionary]

[He wants to say no. He wants to say pass.]

What flavor were you? [And yet he's compelled to follow this story to the end.] And gods, wh- why did she do it? How did she do it? Are there a bunch of mages who spent decades researching how to turn things into pastries and you think it'll work on Monday's slop? [Priorities?]

[topkong]

[ And yet somehow, Wukong comes to the same line of comment that he had started with. What a magical adventure. ]

I wouldn't know. I turned back into my normal, furry self before anyone got a chance to eat me. Also, I wouldn't eat myself.

[ Then again, that's a pretty top tier priority. Anything that can make the mystery food more palatable would be a god-send. ]

It was a little Yordle, a fae sorceress. Small things. Some look like animals, some don't. From what I remember, she was stuck in a magical forest for a long time, like centuries or something. I don't know. I was a cupcake.

[ The greatest defense ever??? ]

[convictionary]

I'm surprised. I would've thought that if you were a cupcake you would somehow...gods, you know. Know. You'd just know that you're supposed to be one of those fudge ones with the gooey centers. [Makes a 'squish squish' gesture with his hand.]

[topkong]

[ Wukong's quiet, watching the gesture with a little bit of... confusion? Fear? He's really not sure how to feel, it's almost like... ]

If I was a cupcake right now, would you devour me.

[ It's not a question. It's more like a "you better be kidding me" kind of statement. ]

1/2 he actually was propositioned by a cake once

[convictionary]

[And he stops. They stop. If they were walking they stopped even more. This is very much a they're going to stop what they were doing - even if they were stopped to begin with - and...well, take a moment.

In this moment he shook his head once, twice, and then looked Wukong in the eye.]

2/2

[convictionary]

Don't make this weird, Fuzz.

[topkong]

[ Wukong can't believe how stopped they are. It's almost to the point where he feels compelled to start moving backward, but instead he rocks back onto his heels and raises an eyebrow. ]

... that's not a no. I didn't hear a no. You would do anything for sweets, wouldn't you?

[ He leans in toward Gaius. His face is close. Probably too close. ]

I won't tell anyone if you said you would commit a cake massacre.

[convictionary]

[It is too close. Especially since he's not the one initiating. The monkey is. It smells like fuzz and banana.]

Listen, Fuzz. [...]

...I would. I would commit a cake massacre. Just one problem.