[open] They didn't have taro ice cream bars and I'm still vaguely butthurt.

[convictionary]

Who: Gaius (convictionary) and various and sundry other people, yes, it's ice cream time.
When: Post-Lasker intro log
Where: Lasker, starting off in an ice cream parlor because I can.
What: Investigating Lasker stuff while eating ice cream.
Rating: Probably some innuendo and mild cursing because it's me, and I might use a vulgar metaphor and/or analogy at some point.

[So, as Gaius stared at the ice cream bar shaped vaguely like Kaito's head (chocolate flavored) he couldn't help but say.]

That ain't right.

[They could get to Double Duo and doing other things in a second. Right now he's distracted by ice cream bars shaped like people he knew.]

Comments

[topkong]

[ Well, now Wukong's just a little confused! 'Chrom' and 'sister' and honestly he's stuck on 'Fuzz'.

His quizzical expression should probably clue Gaius on his state. ]

Beaststone? I mean... I don't know what that is, but if we find one around here, I'll be happy to touch it and then see what happens?

[ Magic? Science? You be the judge. ]

[convictionary]

...yes.

[Oh yes, they've now got a quest. Sayonara, ice cream shop - he'll toss down a few coins for the Vietnam he's poised to wolf down, but they are going to explore Lasker in the hopes of finding a beaststone.

Hell fucking yes.]

Alright, Fuzz, basically back home we got these people called taguels. They're like you, 'cept rabbitish. Whenever they worked one of those beaststones - don't ask me how, I'm not one - they turned into a giant...rabbit...thing, point being, we oughta see if you're the same because cripes, imagine doing that in battle.

[topkong]

[ Squint. ]

So... you wanna see if I can turn into a giant rabbit thing. I see.

[ Cue Wukong trying to figure out if he'd look cooler that way, but he lacks a very strong imagination for this. All he can muster is a series of gradual and increasingly confused faces that eventually dissolve into a nervous chuckle... ]

I mean, okay. I'm all up for trying to be a better fighter. I'd rather keep my own sleek figure though. Gotta do it for someone particular, you know.

[convictionary]

Don't worry too hard about it, Fuzz! [He's comfortable enough with Wukong at this point that he's slipping him a Jae-ha (banana and nut) as they exit the store and make it around the turn.] Panne, the friend of mine, turned back after she was done. So, if you're the same as her, you'll just be able to turn into a large...thing for a couple of minutes and go back to the same ol' you you are now.

[topkong]

Huh. [ Well, having the ice cream bar thrust upon him makes him stop for a second even though his feet keep on moving, staying near Gaius as they make their way out of the store. ] Well, I mean... what if I'm not the same as her? She sounds very nice, I've always like rabbits and all, but... you know. What if I touch it and I explode or something?

[ And then he stops. ]

... what if I turn into a large thing and then turn into a bunny? Or worse, what if I turn into a not-monkey?!

[ He's worrying. HE'S TURBO WORRYING ]

[convictionary]

[He stops as well. And then, curiously,]

Huh. That ever happen to you before, Fuzz?

[Yes, he might be missing the point.]

[topkong]

EXPLODE? Yes. It's happened. It's not fun. I don't like exploding.

[ Just in case, he gives another answer with a quieter, reserved tone: ]

Also yes, I've been turned into a cupcake once.

[ He looks away, embarrassed. ]

... that was also not fun.

[convictionary]

...

[...he's not sure how he feels about that.]

You're kidding me. You became a gods damned cupcake?

[topkong]

Yep. I suggest not pissing off tiny, furry shortpuffs that have a penchant for firing off crazy spells that can do anything.

[ Sigh. He remembers being a frosted one, with little banana shaped sprinkles.

This only lasted for seconds, but he will never forget. ]

If I ever see her again, I'll let you know. You can live your wildest dreams being a dessert.

[convictionary]

[He wants to say no. He wants to say pass.]

What flavor were you? [And yet he's compelled to follow this story to the end.] And gods, wh- why did she do it? How did she do it? Are there a bunch of mages who spent decades researching how to turn things into pastries and you think it'll work on Monday's slop? [Priorities?]

[topkong]

[ And yet somehow, Wukong comes to the same line of comment that he had started with. What a magical adventure. ]

I wouldn't know. I turned back into my normal, furry self before anyone got a chance to eat me. Also, I wouldn't eat myself.

[ Then again, that's a pretty top tier priority. Anything that can make the mystery food more palatable would be a god-send. ]

It was a little Yordle, a fae sorceress. Small things. Some look like animals, some don't. From what I remember, she was stuck in a magical forest for a long time, like centuries or something. I don't know. I was a cupcake.

[ The greatest defense ever??? ]

[convictionary]

I'm surprised. I would've thought that if you were a cupcake you would somehow...gods, you know. Know. You'd just know that you're supposed to be one of those fudge ones with the gooey centers. [Makes a 'squish squish' gesture with his hand.]

[topkong]

[ Wukong's quiet, watching the gesture with a little bit of... confusion? Fear? He's really not sure how to feel, it's almost like... ]

If I was a cupcake right now, would you devour me.

[ It's not a question. It's more like a "you better be kidding me" kind of statement. ]

1/2 he actually was propositioned by a cake once

[convictionary]

[And he stops. They stop. If they were walking they stopped even more. This is very much a they're going to stop what they were doing - even if they were stopped to begin with - and...well, take a moment.

In this moment he shook his head once, twice, and then looked Wukong in the eye.]

2/2

[convictionary]

Don't make this weird, Fuzz.

[topkong]

[ Wukong can't believe how stopped they are. It's almost to the point where he feels compelled to start moving backward, but instead he rocks back onto his heels and raises an eyebrow. ]

... that's not a no. I didn't hear a no. You would do anything for sweets, wouldn't you?

[ He leans in toward Gaius. His face is close. Probably too close. ]

I won't tell anyone if you said you would commit a cake massacre.

[convictionary]

[It is too close. Especially since he's not the one initiating. The monkey is. It smells like fuzz and banana.]

Listen, Fuzz. [...]

...I would. I would commit a cake massacre. Just one problem.

[topkong]

[ The best smell. There's definitely the faintest scent of 'awesomeness'. Imagine the money that could be made bottling that smell. ]

Let's hope we never make friends with a group of friendly talking cakes.

[ Eh??? ]

What's the problem?

[convictionary]

[...]

There's a new, different problem now, Fuzz. [Gonna take a step back because that awesomeness is too much for him, thanks.] Gods. You know. There's probably a tribe of friendly talking cakes somewhere in this world, you know that? Or if not here, somewhere out there. Somewhere.

[topkong]

I mean, maybe. [ Wukong's a little worried about Gaius now. The concept of a living cake makes Wukong wonder if they're both crazy, if Gaius is crazy, or if neither of them are crazy and this could somehow be a reality? After all, no one can DISPROVE THE EXISTENCE OF THEM so... yeah... ]

... you think there might be books about them?

[ Who would perform studies on tribal cakes? ]

[convictionary]

Could be. I mean, thinking about it, some magicker type could've been bored and raised some cake golemns [Yes, golemns, not golems.] because they could. You saw all of those mechanical carriers floating about? Like that, 'cept with pastries.

[topkong]

[ Solemn golemns? ]

I guess that's not out of the realm of possibility. Perhaps there are carriers like that, in the shape of cupcakes and tarts and doughnuts? Or maybe they've crafted a few in those forms and found them to be...

[ Wait for it. ]

... half-baked.

[convictionary]

[That gets Gaius to stare for a long moment. He then dramatically, oh so dramatically, says,]

I really wanna hate you for that, Fuzz.

[There's an implication here.]