Gaius (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
convictionary) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
pawnstorm2016-05-11 07:21 pm
convictionary) wrote in pawnstorm2016-05-11 07:21 pm
[open] Cow.
Who: Gaius and various and assorted people.
When: 5/11
Where: Gresser
What: Cows
Rating: S for stupid, probably with some light curses and terrible metaphors.
RANDOM ENCOUNTER:
[And that was when Gaius turned to his companion(s), warming to the story.] So the second ham was tossed into the air and the juggler reached for the torc-
[And that was when a small herd of goats ran past them.
...
There's probably something chasing the distressed goats, huh. (Hint: it's probably a bear.)]
COW:
["Moo," said the cow, distressed. There was three of them, tired, wary, staring at the heroes who likely stared back at them. Gaius stared, at least, though who knows...maybe his companion had a natural instinct for tending to cows and was running to care for them. He hesitated.] What are we getting for this, again?
OBLIGATORY MISSION AFTERMATH:
[Because they are and he looks tired and vaguely done right now. He is going to order a sundae with some fruit he never heard of because he can.]
When: 5/11
Where: Gresser
What: Cows
Rating: S for stupid, probably with some light curses and terrible metaphors.
RANDOM ENCOUNTER:
[And that was when Gaius turned to his companion(s), warming to the story.] So the second ham was tossed into the air and the juggler reached for the torc-
[And that was when a small herd of goats ran past them.
...
There's probably something chasing the distressed goats, huh. (Hint: it's probably a bear.)]
COW:
["Moo," said the cow, distressed. There was three of them, tired, wary, staring at the heroes who likely stared back at them. Gaius stared, at least, though who knows...maybe his companion had a natural instinct for tending to cows and was running to care for them. He hesitated.] What are we getting for this, again?
OBLIGATORY MISSION AFTERMATH:
[Because they are and he looks tired and vaguely done right now. He is going to order a sundae with some fruit he never heard of because he can.]
no subject
[And why don't they have him rubbing cows like this is Harvest Moon while the rest of them drink mai tai- sniffs.
It smells like...banana?]
no subject
[What kind of insult is that..... he tried.
Nora makes a general grumbling noise while Gaius keeps fondling the cow... and isn't really moving to help, probably because it skeeves him out to put his back to (Caren) the other members of their party, who are being too suspiciously cooperative in this stupid exercise even while sipping mai-tais (Caren).]
And you, who're you calling an idiot worse than that stupid faker king, huh?! [Yes, he knows Sion. No, he isn't especially pleased about it, but he's never especially pleased about anything. Also, grabbing Shinn's collar because shounens gotta shounen.]
no subject
[She offers both Shinn and Nora a sweet smile.]
And I would have taken it out on both of you.
[Not Gaius, because he's actually funny. Sometimes. But seeing a possible fight, she grabs Nora, and Shinn by the collar and....makes to shove them towards...
You guessed it. The cows butt.]
Make yourself useful before I get bored.
no subject
[He's busy rubbing the cow's neck. In the next two tags it'll get pissed off and try to bite his arm.]
no subject
[ Didn't even finish that sentence because he saw Caren smile at him and he just shuts up.
No, he doesn't want to piss her off but ay he's shoved towards the cows' butts.
THANKFULLY HE CAN STOP HIMSELF BEFORE HE SMACKS HIS FACE INTO THEM THOUGH... ]
Actual king.
no subject
[Shinn might have stopped himself before he smacked into the cow's butt, but did he count on Nora casually reaching over and shoving him the rest of the way? Did he? Also, he might have gotten a snicker when Caren shut him up just like that, because somebody's whipped here and it ain't the cow.
Which, if Shinn's face does slam into its hindquarters, probably also chomps on Gaius' arm or ear or whatever at this point with an indignant squeal. This is going swimmingly.]
Of course he'd know a terrible hag like you!
[Snarl, hiss, probably entertaining Caren regardless of his actual intentions......]
no subject
[Sorry Gaius, the kids aren't all right. And she needs to whip herself a cow. She's got a cow that may want to bite the thief (great taste there cow) a yippy dog, and now a minion who may have found out the source of the banana smell.
...this is going swimmingly.]
There are many people who know me. But few know me as intimately as you do Nora.
[Bat bat go the eyelashes.]
Now, unless you want a repeat of that Nora, you'd best be useful. Find some fruit.
Or I'll tell them every little detail of our first meeting.
no subject
And you guys ever wonder if one of the so called kings or emperors- easy. [Seriously, they don't need to be that friendly, cow-] Are just trying to snow us?
no subject
[ There's a muffled yelling coming from the cow's butt as Shinn's face was oh so gently shoved there by Nora. Either ways, he immediately pulls his head back, but instead of yelling angrily at Nora for his earlier shove, he's just looking horrified and pale.]
Urgh, even their shit smells like fucking banana!
[ — Shinn Asuka - 2016 ]
no subject
[He's too...him, to be anything but a conqueror. She's known a few in her time.
But it's Shinn's horrified discovery that has Caren's expression going from somewhat normal to...very. Blank.
...so is that why they love fruit so much? Well.
She knows what she's not eating for awhile.]
no subject
I had ice cream. [By now, Bessie's basically just like oh man, oh yes, oh, you got this, oh, and tries to lick his face.
Kind of succeeds, kind of nots, he's backing away, and he's making a very- okay, that should smell like Cow but that smells instead like a succession of tropical fruits just farted in his nose. Actually quite pleasant, what with mangoishes and kind of kiwis, which only makes it all the worse.] Before I took this job I went and got a gods-blasted sundae.
no subject
[You are a betrayer and an accomplice, Gaius, he gets blackmailed enough without help?? Caren's very unsubtle hinting makes Nora flush angrily and sends his hackles somewhere into the stratosphere to commune with dragons. He'd probably start breathing fire at some point if that was actually a thing he could do with his current JRPG level.
... Either way, though, he's backing away from the main villain here -- who's far too pleased with herself already, this is not obedience it's a strategic retreat -- when the sudden cow-induced chill sweeps through the group.
Nora just blinks at all of them.]
... 'Course it smells like banana, what else would it smell like?
[?????]
no subject
[ That's right, this Nora guy ain't exactly a stellar fountain of human knowledge, considering they argued about freaking internal organs and black market organ dealers (even though that guy doesn't have a clue on how they work). STILL...
This gives Shinn the idea of flinging actual manure at Nora's face quite later on. ]
no subject
[She's pinching the bridge of her nose. Nora can be just....]
Just get the damn fruit Nora.
[He should be able to find something right? Maybe...]
...maybe you should go with him Shinn, so he won't kill accidentally poison it.
no subject
[How is it human knowledge that cows which inexplicably produce fruit milk are not supposed to smell like fruit, HE CALLS SHENANIGANS. Everybody's already made motions at ganging up on him since Caren instigated pretty much everything, so Nora reflexively starts kicking opinions away like dodgeballs.
Instead, he moves further away from the cow butt brigade and towards where the actual cow is likely trying to get back in Gaius' personal space. And beyond. Anyway, he's stomping in general direction of not-here at a pace that doesn't really suggest an intention to come back--]
I should just get a few more cows and have 'em drown you in fruit smell, that enough fruit for ya?! Why the hell would I poison anything, anyway, these cows could probably eat anything!
[... including his hair, which one of the less friendly cows just chomped on as he passed. Ah.]
no subject
[...yes, if it wasn't for the prospect of Nora scented farts he'd just be chilling over there. So he's ambling over, to the rescue, emphasis on amble. His cow is mooing, distressed, and is following him over. This would be adorable if it wasn't for literally everything. Gaius is also drawing a knife. His solution might be to just give Nora a haircut. Right now.]