OPEN | titles are so hard just kill me

[yaoihand]

Who: Kija and whoever wants to join him in some cleaning!
When: Throughout the whole month!
Where: Hall of Glory
What: Various Hall of Glory prompts!! Kija is always up to earn some money for his family.
Rating: Stone dicks and chainletters. Otherwise none??



A: ACTUAL DELICATE PRINCESS KIJA (CLEANING)

[ .. Kija's never actually cleaned anything in his life, and it shows in how unused he appears to be handling the broom. What he lacks in experience, he makes up for in determination, however. There's really no need to be sweeping with so much strength and fervor but somehow, he seems to think that giving the act his all would produce a better result. His brows furrow in concentration, and Kija's just whacking all that dust away (and taking care not to get any of it on himself at the same time, because he does hate being filthy!)

There is a lot of dust in this empty guest room. It coats the wooden floors and the old trinkets piling up around them. It might be forever before they finish the job (especially since Kija isn't working in a very smart way) but he doesn't seem bothered by that fact at all. With much determination, he continues on with his task ...

Until he hears a mysterious scratching from above. ]

What is that ...? [ There's something in the ceiling! Thoughtlessly, Kija knocks the top of his broom against the ceiling, urging whatever it was to come out. That's a bit of a bad idea ...

Because his dragon hand is stronger than most, and the broom goes piercing right through the old, rotting wood, cracking it into pierces. The wood gives way, and a rain of dust, rats, lizards and spiders rain down on both Kija and whoever is near him.

Cue... a blood-curling scream ........]

IYAAAAAAAAH!! [ And some flailing about, as Kija fights to get the cobwebs and spiders out of his hair. A few of them went into his clothes!!!!!

Any more of this, and he just might faint ... ]

B: PIN THE [CENSORED] ON THE [CENSORED] (STATUE PROMPT ...???)

[ While cleaning, our heroes might find a mysterious ... cylindrical object made of stone just lying around on the floor. Or, it would be more right to say that it resembles a ...sausage??? With absolutely no context, Kija can't figure out what it is just yet.

One of the busy, busy butlers shoot them a glance and tell them it probably fell off one of those stone statues. He tasks them with finding the right statue and fitting the piece back where it belongs. Not just any statue will do, it has to be the right one!!

Holding the ... sausage (???) in his dragon hand, Kija accepts the task (albeit with much confusion). ]

...Very well. We won't let you down. [ He's not quite sure what sort of statue this could have broken off, but how hard could this be?

For the PG-13 version of this prompt, our heroes can find a leaf of modesty instead ...... ]

C: IT'S 2005 ALL OVER AGAIN (BULLETIN BOARD)

[ Everyone's doing the bulletin board prompt already so why not. Kija can be found tearing up all those lewd notes with his dragon's claw, whacking them and ripping them up into shreds. Some of them feature your character, and they'll be able to see themselves engaging in some lewd act with some other hero (possibly a best friend, or a hated enemy) in the ripped note.

As Kija continues on with his tirade, he's also blushing - both from embarrassment and fluster. ]

How awful! Leaving such improper things for others to see! This is a board that everyone looks at, how could they put up such rude notes?! Simply awful!

[ He's about to clean up the last of the inappropriate notes when he catches a glance of what it says, and this forces him to freeze.

DO NOT TAKE DOWN THIS NOTE!

THIS IS THE LOVE CURSE! If you see this note, you have to copy it and give it to 10 people that you love. Tell them that you love them, or they will DIE by sunset! You will be ALL ALONE if you don't do this!

Pass this along, and spread the love, everyone ♥♥♥♥!

Most people would brush the threat aside, but Kija is ...a lot more gullible than most people. ]

Eh?!? Have I been cursed?!

[ Or do something else with me ... just hit me up via PM and we can discuss something. ]

Comments

b...jesus

[hoasen]

[She's carrying a bucket, hair tied up into a loose and low sidebun so it doesn't get in the way. For some reason, cleaning around here is tougher than back home.

She spots a Kija looking very confused.]

What are you doing, Kija?

[yaoihand]

[ It's homie V!!!!!!!! Kija continues to hold the stone structure ... idk give him a minute, he'll realise soon that something is gravely wrong (it's not entirely obvious what it is, anyway!). ]

Vietnam... [ Kija walks over to her. ] This has fallen off of one of those statues, and a butler tasked me with putting it back.

[hoasen]

[IT CERTAINLY IS. And oh, something needs to be fixed? She wonders what it could be. He'll have to show her.]

Oh? What is it, I can help you too.

[yaoihand]

I am not sure yet... [ His brain is too pure to associate anything phallic with ...the obvious option. It's also not that great in terms of 3D-likeness, and that's why he doesn't get it immediately. Give him a few minutes, he'll realise soon enough. Kija holds it up to show her.

... It looks like the lewdest and strangest thing ever right there in his dragon's claw. ]

[hoasen]

[Ah yeah, she can't...recognise it yet, because of how it's not actually a True Likeness.

Instead, she looks confused over what part of the body it would be on.]

...A large finger?

[...no.]

c; KIJA. . .

[carptricks]

[. . .]

[Kaito isn't a cruel person. sure, he like to tease and joke and pick on people from time to time. and occasionally, he might purposefully mash someone's buttons in order to see how they react. but cruel? never!!]

[Kija, however, may think otherwise as he hears Kaito gasp in mock horror from behind him]

You've been cursed!

[no Kaito noooooooo don't take advantage of Kija's poor innocence]

[yaoihand]

[ Kaito why, aren't you a homie

Kaito is someone he identifies as Smart and Competent so the fact that he agrees only confirms his suspicions for him. ] No!! Will everyone die if I don't do what the note says?!

[ Cue some stressed out noises, as Kija starts to fret and imagine ALL HIS HOMIES DYING BECAUSE OF HIM. ]

[carptricks]

[sometimes homies like to pick on their other homies! it's the natural result of being someone's homie]

Well, I don't think they'll die. The note's probably exaggerating.

[at least he's nice enough to dispel that fear. . .]

Or using hyperbole in order to get you to act quickly.

[yaoihand]

But I cannot take the chance! It would be all my fault if my friends were to be cursed because of my complacency! [ Once he gets fixated on something it can take a bit of convincing to make him see reason. Kija's still imagining ALL HIS FRIENDS DYING, and that's enough to fuel his panic.

First thing's first ... He has to do what the note says! He grabs one of Kaito's hands, clasping it. ]

Kaito, I love you! [ So please don't die!!!! ]

[carptricks]

[. . . Kaito totally brought this on to himself. this is what he gets for trying to play a prank on a friend]

Wh-- h-hey! If people overhear you saying that, they're gonna get the wrong idea!

[and thus, some members of the hero fanbase become Kaito/Kija shippers]

a....!

[sunderings]

[ Rats, lizards, and spiders—oh my.

Sion had rather imagined something like this would come to pass in the instant he'd happened upon his present cleaning compatriot. Between the thwacks! of the broom and the dust coating the flooring, it had only been a matter of time until some great calamity befell them both. But ah, so touched by Kija's enthusiasm for the task at hand, the King hadn't the heart to warn the (younger?) man, and at the time, he'd been thoroughly convinced of his own ability to protect his companion should the worst happen, and Kija somehow lose both his balance and footing.

...but this? Ah, well... is he truly to blame, if Kija had stepped out of bounds of the protective barrier Sion had cast no sooner than the broom had gone straight through the ceiling? Where Kija screams, Sion is safe and sound, shielded by the speciality of his rank as Kija himself would have been, had he simply stayed still.

(Sion is trying so, so very hard to keep a straight face.) ]

Be calm. [ Things scurry as he walks forward, bridging the distance between himself and Kija, his left hand falling to rest lightly atop the other man's shoulder, his right lifting to bat spiders aside and comb the cobwebs from snow-white hair. ] If you allow yourself to be agitated, the creatures will react in kind.

[ ...why, is that a lizard running up the back of Kija's shirt? ]

Re: a....!

[yaoihand]

[ Actually, he doesn't usually mind lizards, given that he's ... part-lizard, but with how spiders were in the picture, anything crawly with sticky feet could terrify him in his current state.

The hand on his shoulder does more to soothe him than Sion may realise, but it still isn't quite enough to quell the debilitating fear that was taking over his system. ]

I-I-I am trying, but it is too difficult! Who put those spiders up in there?! [ D'uh, that's why they're here to clean things up. ] Why are they so many?!

[ More importantly, why is a grown man tearing up at the thought of spiders?? Well, that's certainly happening. Kija lets out another shriek as he feels those little feet run up his bare back, and he starts to pace about like someone's set him on fire, repeatedly reaching out to rake his fingers over his back in an attempt to get the thing out. With how sharp his dragon's claw came, he might actually hurt himself like this. ]

It's in my shirt!! Ahh!!! This is so awful! Someone, please help!!

[sunderings]

Kija.

[ It takes but a moment for Sion to realize that the other man's anxiety has heightened far beyond that of simple bewilderment and surprise—appropriately, the King tempers himself, voice gentling and carrying with it a warmth quite unlike the playful lilt he'd used to make introductions. The reason why matters so very little to him, in the end—what is important is what he glimpses before him in the here and now: a comrade frenzied to the point of clawing at their skin, eyes gone glassy with moisture threatening to fall. ]

I need for you to listen to my voice. Be calm, be still, and all will be well.

[ For there is, in fact, someone there to help. And aid arrives a moment later in the form of a soothing spell, its incantation spoken in a language old and long forgotten, though its soft intonations are calming, painting everything in a rose-hued light. What's more, Sion himself moves to take action shortly thereafter, reaching for Kija with no small measure of care.

Deftly, he makes to unbutton the man's uniform, caring little for propriety and everything for Kija's peace of mind. ]

You are all right. Focus upon steadying your breath, and think on something else.

[ As he swats away the lizard—who knew the Hall of Glory had been home to such creatures?—and the spiders which skitter, yet, despite at else. ]

[yaoihand]

[ Sion's voice is like a soothing song, dancing by his ears, but his smooth and gentle tone isn't quite enough to calm the whirlwind of emotions inside of Kija. He's pacing about, arms flying everywhere in an attempt to swat away the little creatures, and hyperventilating so much it was difficult to speak. It doesn't look like anything can calm him down --

But then the spell begins, and Kija can feel a warmth washing over him like a gentle tide, reeling his frantic heart into a calm and distracting him with pleasant tingles at the surface of his skin. He finds himself transfixed by Sion's voice as he mutters those words of an otherworldly language, and slowly, he forgets what he was so fearful about.

The rise and fall of his chest gradually slows, and his muscles relax. ] Yes ...

[ He feels so far away from the situation, far away from all those spiders that were still scurrying about inside his clothes, that there's no measure of confusion or embarrassment as Sion starts unfastening the buttons of his shirt. Kija only breathes, his thoughts now muddled and sluggish. ]

C...

[troyhard]

[ So even spam mail can exist here. Slaine is pretty gullible, too. But at least he has some sense! Before he presses his panic button, he quickly interjects: ]

W-wait, if this note is from a local, we don't have to worry!! They don't have any magic to do that to the people important to us!

[ THEY ARE SAFE....

But just incase, Slaine begins to mutter some random prayers to himself. With the power of a King's blessing, he's going to grant them a bit of protection from the "curse".

Or try to.

He's still new at this and might end up granting the both of them bad luck instead. ]

i am ready for shitty luck

[yaoihand]

Y-You are right ... But, we don't know for sure! [ Slaine does have a point, but they can't rule out the fact that it may have come from a hero?? So, that explanation isn't quite enough to put Kija at ease.

He watches Slaine as he starts to mutter those prayers, recognizing the act as some sort of spell. ]

Are you casting a spell? [ He looks to Slaine with hopeful eyes. Please, lift this wretched curse! ]

[troyhard]

[ Which dastardly hero could do such a thing!! ]

Y-yes! If the curse is real, I do not know how to get rid of it normally, but maybe good luck will cancel it out!

[ THINK POSITIVE KIJA!! It will help make things much better. And once he's done casting, Slaine lets out a small sigh, looking accomplished. ]

There, I think that should do it!

[ Suddenly the wind seems to be stronger than it's supposed to be and the windows burst open. Almost all of the notes and drawings on the bulletin board are blown off and sent down the hall including... THE CURSED NOTE! ]

[yaoihand]

[ Kija himself is still getting the hang of this magic business, so he's quite easily-impressed when it came to it. ]

You know spells that bring good luck? That is quite impressive! [ Kija looks at Slaine with hopeful eyes, believing him immediately even if ... they've only just met. He just likes to believe in people.

And it turns out, he was right to believe in Slaine, because the magic actually happens and that gust of wind blows the offending note right out the door. Kija gets slapped in the face with his own cape in the process, but that's really not a bother to him. He pushes the flapping cape away ... ]

It is gone!! Does that mean that it worked?!

A

[hymnals]

[ Adra happens to be walking by when he hears Kija's scream tear through the air. Thinking that something awful has happened, Adra rushes towards the sound--and stops, eyes wide, irritation mounting, at the sight of the other man shrieking on the floor. Baby spiders skitter everywhere, clearly just as terrified as their temporary host. ]

Kija!

[ He wades into the mess, kneeling down beside Kija, doing his best not to step on any fleeing arachnids. ]

Kiki, you've got to calm down. Spiders only bite when they're frightened.

[yaoihand]

Adrast --Eeeek!! Get off me, get off! [ Sorry, Adra, your name is way too long for him to pronounce when he's currently shrieking in fear. Kija starts to swat the little spiders away, and that only makes them more frightened and prone to scurrying. ]

H-How can I calm down?! They are everywhere! Why won't they leave?! [ Kija they are trying to leave but you keep flailing about ...... In its fight-or-flight response, one of the bigger spiders opt to bite him, and Kija really is just a second away from fainting right now. This also confirms to him that spiders are horrible!! ]

I-It bit me!! Am I going to die?! [ what if ... POISON ]

[hymnals]

[ LIGHT. Wait--light. That's an idea. ]

You're not going to die--most spiders aren't venomous, and even if these are, we have antidotes. Breathe, Kija.

[ He starts calling light to his hands. ]

Breathe, and close your eyes.

[yaoihand]

I-I will try ... [ Kija tries to still his breathing, trusting Adra to do whatever it was he was going to do. His friend was quite proficient in magic, so he likely had a spell up his sleeve that could help the situation. Maybe he has a spell to make bugs disappear forever!!!

He bites his lip, whimpering on occasion when he feels those crawling legs against his skin once more, but closes his eyes as told. ]

C; rip!!!

[eyegotcha]

[That bulletin board was no place for a poor, innocent tween. So that’s why Peacock is there! Sure, if anyone asks, she would vehemently deny reading any of this trash, but really, who couldn’t at least peruse it. It ain’t like she has any attachment to the bozos portrayed, so no love lost, right? Really, she had no excuse for reading it; she had to focus her mana, and really focus her inexperienced sight to read some of it. Honestly, she should have just accepted her blindness and cleaned up the place diligently, instead of making herself mad with countless pages of badly-executed smut.

Oh, well, at least it motivated her all the more to tear down and censor this place so righteously, right? … Eh, she’ll just say that justifies her.]

Yeah, yeah, we know already. Ya ain’t gotta keep yappin’ about it. Just keep cleanin’!

[Poor Kija is earning his comments from the peanut gallery, who, ironically enough, isn’t helping at all. The cyborg, clad in a maid outfit and leaning against her broom, sure is enjoying watching someone else do all the work. She smirks as she blindly oversees the work, tapping a metal foot and whistling a tune to herself, providing the poor bulletin cleaner a soundtrack to tear paper too.

But, when Kija finally comments on something new, Peacock’s whistling slows into a single low note as she quirks a brow. Well, now she’s just plain curious. The large, obnoxious text is easy for her mana senses to pick up even from afar, and the girl begins smiling a cruel, sharp-toothed grin.]

Oh, no… [She starts, shaking her head and clicking her tongue to the roof of her mouth numerous times, the caricature of someone with bad news.] Yep. That’s a curse if I’ve evah heard a’ one.

[Pulling herself off of her broom, Peacock whistles once more, casual yet grim, piping out the notes for the Funeral March. Smooth move, Peacock. Way to make new friends!]

help him

[yaoihand]

[ ...He's given up trying to figure out if this girl was another hero or a member of the mechanical staff crew (just like those pigeon nannies). He's also given up trying to figure out what she is, exactly. There were too many strange things in this world. ]

Is that true?! [ With how little he knew about magic, he had a tendency to believe what anyone else would tell him about it. He's gullible enough to begin with, and now with the other person in the room confirming his fears, Kija's pretty much doomed. ] Will everyone die, because I had seen this paper?! That is awful!

[ The more he imagines ALL HIS HOMIES DYING the more distressed he starts to get. Kija clutches at his face in a horrified manner.

-- And the background music really isn't helping. ] And that is quite enough! Do you not see how serious this is?! [ He doesn't even know what that tune is, because he's from ancient korea. ]

its suffering time

[eyegotcha]

Nope! Can't see! [ Peacock grins widely at that one; honestly, without her Argus unit, she had been waiting to use that line. She even pairs it up with a quick wave of her hand in front of her eye sockets.

Then, just to sell the act, she suddenly drops her smile, metal hand flopping back down to her broom. ] What I can see is that you got yourself a bona-fide curse on yer hands. Hope you weren't too attached to them friends a' yours. [ Gee, she sure is a good help, isn't she? She even goes back to casually sweeping around the perimeter, head down and focused on her work so nonchalantly, as if she weren't delivering the worst news of this poor stranger's life. ]

But, hey! Don't let that getcha down! There are plenty a' othah fish in the sea; I'm sure a nice guy like you can find plenty a' new ones. [ She's enjoying this a little too much, beaming a smile as wide as the day is long as she brushes her broom around poor Kija happily, even going back to her cheery whistling tune as if nothing were wrong with the insensitive words coming out of her mouth. ]