pawnstorm | [open] jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock.

Entry tags:

[open] jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock.

Who: Gilgamesh and everyone! A group holiday party for the "Most Wonderful Time of the Year" job.
When: Forward dated to December 7th or so.
Where: Heaven's Feel, Caissa
What: Gilgamesh and friends are getting into the holiday spirit, and you're invited! Join for gifts, grog, mistletoe and more.
Rating: There will probably be drunken shenanigans going on, thus PG-13 to be safe.

Happy Holidays!

[The holidays are in full swing at Heaven's Feel! Brightly lit trees and ornaments litter the store, with warm fires blazing, gentle music playing and mistletoe strung from every available spot on the ceiling. The ostentatious host stands at the ready to attend every need and ensure everyone has a match of their very own this holiday season—including you!

Generous portions of hot chocolate, gingerbread cookies, and wine are being offered free of charge to all guests. These delights are enchanted to fill you with an extra dose of courage, so be bold! Go after your crush, engage a complete stranger, or just do something really crazy to celebrate the joyous occasion. 'tis the season to be jolly, after all.

The sprigs of mistletoe have been charmed by Gilgamesh to encourage smooching. The urge to pucker up beneath them will be strong, so watch where you stand! If you look beneath the big tree in the center of the store, you'll find a gift addressed to you. It could be an article of clothing, a ticket for free services, or even something more personal!

Naturally, Heaven's Feel matchmaking services are always available, so feel free to fill out a card while you're here or just get cozy by the fireplace. Merry Cherima, everyone!]

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[Gilgamesh catches the attention of a wandering attendant and claims a fresh glass of wine for himself. The same offer is extended to Archer, though he also has other beverages to choose from if he prefers. Far be it Gilgamesh to force anything upon his companion.

He's long since learned that a night with him will have to be earned the hard way. So be it.]

Do you find me unpleasant, Archer?

[Gilgamesh sips at his wine with unaccusing eyes. He's neither teasing nor being altogether too serious; just testing him a little, as is customary.]

[ Archer finds any number of things and people unpleasant. He expects the worst rather than the best out of people, generally, and he has a tendency not to trust others.

A kiss is a small, harmless thing, but Gilgamesh will want more, if not now, than later.

Declining the offer of wine, Archer takes hot chocolate instead. ]

I don't find the idea of sharing this "tradition" with you pleasant.

[ A tight-lipped answer, which is actually better than his reaction might have been even a few weeks ago. Things between them have largely settled, but one point is still rather sore.

Intimacy of any kind is something he avoids like the plague. ]

Why so?

[They would've hand to confront this issue again eventually. If not now, then later.]

You believe I would take, rather than ask...?

[ Archer's mouth draws into a thin line. ]

I don't know.

[ The lack of trust and not knowing, of course, is only part of what bothers him. ]

It would certainly be fair of you to assume the former rather than the latter.

[Given his past record, his history, and his very own claims to doing whatever he pleased, however he pleased, with whomever he pleased... however, it seems Gilgamesh anticipated this sort of response, as he just laughs quietly under his breath.]

But for you, I am making an exception. Therefore, if your question is "would you ask", then I offer you the rare answer of "indeed I would".

[Because ultimately, he recognizes, a little bit of patience as opposed to a lot of pressure will get him what he wants.]

[ He does assume the former rather than the latter, though some of that is mitigated by what's happened over the last month. The man did help him when he was ill, and it wouldn't be intellectually honest of him to discount that.

On the other hand, Gilgamesh is still Gilgamesh, by his own admission. And Archer still eschews the very notion of intimacy - not because he's a blushing virgin but rather because he isn't.

Sex is personal. Sex is a form of intimacy. Intimacy leads to heightened emotions and other things he simply doesn't want to deal with.

In that respect, his reticence isn't simply about Gilgamesh. It's that he rejects the idea of sharing that sort of closeness altogether.

And yet...it is just a kiss.

Archer doesn't say anything for a long moment. Then, finally- ]

You want it that much?

[ It's not a 'yes', but it isn't a 'no', either. ]

Edited 2016-12-07 04:46 (UTC)

I want everything and everyone.

[Because really, what sort of answer did Archer even expect?]

[ "Everything and everyone" - really?

The comment isn't necessarily surprising, but it has him making a face, regardless. ]

Then there's no reason to bore you with something common, is there?

[ ...that sounds a little bit more like a 'no'. ]

[Gilgamesh leans back to swirl his wine about, laughing at a private joke.]

By now you've been elevated slightly above the status of common rabble. Which I would've presumed to be obvious, but...

[ Obvious, is it? He supposes Gilgamesh has some ground to stand on with that statement, but still - the skepticism persists.

Archer huffs quietly and sips on his cocoa. ]

I'm honored, I'm sure.

[ The sarcasm runs deep in this one...

And yet- ]

I reserve the right to punish you if I dislike it.

[ You get one chance, Gilgamesh. Just one. ]

Would you have me fail on purpose?

[Because punishment takes on a very, very different connotation for this man. Regardless, Gilgamesh concedes with a shrug.]

But if you insist. I would be the last to ruin such a warm-hearted holiday for you.

I wouldn't want to upset your wife.

[ The connotations they attach to "punishment" are clearly quite different.

Again, he takes a sip of his hot chocolate. ]

If you want to try, you might as well get on with it.

...first off, do not treat it as such a burden. You were a Servant, once; we were designed for these sorts of exchanges. On some level, we do like it.

[That's putting it lightly. Still, his expression turns to one that's slightly... abashed? No, that can't be right. Maybe silly's a better word for it. At the very least, he's encouraging Archer to lighten up rather than see it as something so regrettable, something he must suffer through instead of enjoy.

That and it's kind of hard to attach any ulterior motives to this when he's in that stupid Santa suit.]

Secondly, relax. I would not want to upset her, either, behaving so untoward in a public space. Surely I've curried a small amount of favor yet.

[ Sorry, Gilgamesh. Huffiness is basically part of the package with him. ]

Not all of us were hedonists in life.

[ Just sayin'.

He drains the rest of his cocoa and sets it aside. ]

If you hadn't curried any, we wouldn't be discussing this.

An unfortunate reality.

[That striking lack of hedonism or that everlasting sass, he does not specify.

But Gilgamesh opts for the straightforward approach, now, and makes no further parade of it. Emptying his own glass, he uses Archer's knee as leverage and leans forward and up—in doing so, he catches the man's lips and kisses him. It is neither particularly chaste, as Gilgamesh could never truly be, nor inappropriately lewd, as he's well-aware of what Archer really meant by "punishment". It simply is, an expression of affectionate pleasure from one person to another. Nothing more, nothing less.

Of course, kissing Gilgamesh is rather like taming a resting bull. Even if he seems docile at first, that is bound to change.]

[ The sass is part of his charm.

Stiffening slightly when Gilgamesh leans over, Archer doesn't fuss or try to push the other man away. He did agree to indulge in this particular tradition (with a stubborn caveat) so it's a little late for over-reactions. It's just a kiss, and it'll be over before he knows it.

Warm lips press against his, and while part of him does shy away from it instinctively, Archer holds himself steady and...accepts it. He doesn't take it like a stoic man who wants nothing more than to get away from this situation (which he does), but rather, he does give Gilgamesh the chance, at least, to please him.

He expects a more forceful, domineering gesture, but there's warmth to it that engages rather than threatens. That coaxes rather than demands.

A light flush tinges his cheeks, and Archer returns the kiss tentatively - politely. He doesn't give a thought to taking things any further than this. ]

[It is indeed much like coaxing a surly animal to behave. In fact, this whole courtship has arguably been based on the very same notion: that Archer was mistrustful by nature and required care and attention to lure into complacency or something like it. And even then, Gilgamesh would be a fool not to notice how Archer's muscles coil, how his body tenses instinctively, as if to finish a fight before it ever starts. Whatever Archer was or was not as a person, as a Servant he was enviably good at what he did. He was a machine, built to battle, and Gilgamesh could admire that in small doses.

Slowly, carefully, he eases his way into Archer's lap. His lips retreat, briefly, only to come again and again, daring a little further each time. A little deeper. This man needed acclimation to intimacy and that is precisely what Gilgamesh sets out to do. A little further, a little deeper, a little more with each brush rather than a forceful push to the finish line.

Gilgamesh could be patient, when it suited him. And it seemed patience was the only way to go with the Hero once called Shirou Emiya.]

[ Beasts of Alaya such as himself are, by their very design, efficient, brutal weapons. He's been honed over the course of many long years to be that way, and of course, he's paid a price for it. While he might excel in battle and the machinations of war, when it comes to softer things that require something of the humanity he feels he's lost, he can't help the awkwardness that follows. He's made some progress, but he's still a man in search of himself.

It's why he tenses again when Gilgamesh slides closer and into his lap. It's also why Archer envisions grabbing the man by the throat and throwing him off -- and several other ways he might retaliate for this invasion of his space.

It never happens, though, and one of the only reasons it doesn't is because he doesn't want to make a scene.

A low, muffled sound of protest escapes him, and it's obvious that, even though he's choosing not to bite Gilgamesh's tongue off or otherwise stop him, he's uneasy. This isn't what he bargained for. ]

[Once, Gilgamesh would've shoved his way past without any concern for Archer's comfort... but now he does halt, though he still refuses to relinquish the ground he's gained, staring at Archer with bloody eyes that are all too vivid in the muted light. He watches him, closely, studying. Questioning him without a single word, what it is that you want? Not causing a scene didn't strike Gilgamesh as a high priority for someone who valued their independence so highly. Less that he's uncomfortable, it's more that he's uncertain from the King's perspective. And that much was to be expected from a man who may not have been kissed properly in a very long time.

Gilgamesh may have deduced Archer's nature, but Archer must understand his own, just as he claimed: he will always want everything and everyone for himself. He sits there, a cat in repose, and waits for Archer to make a move. He does not fear him and he does not fear retribution, instead seeming curious just what he'll do.]

[ He doesn't want to cause a scene because, despite his instincts, he knows he isn't actually being threatened. He values his independence, but at the same time, he values others over himself and would rather not create a fuss over nothing. He is uncomfortable, and yet, he doesn't know what he wants.

Archer was never a self-seeking man to begin with (quite the opposite), but years upon years of his own desires effectively being suppressed to better fulfill his role doesn't do much to encourage him to want now.

He doesn't say anything. Instead, Archer wrestles silently with what he wants done - whether he should have Gilgamesh remove himself or not. Whether he wants to continue or not.

His uncertainty is obviously, but the fact that he has no answer of his own to offer is frustrating, too.

Finally, after a long pause, Archer nudges the other man's nose gently with his own. If nothing else, it's permission to keep going, and he's settled enough to allow it. ]

Edited 2016-12-09 20:00 (UTC)

[Gilgamesh does not, however, move in for the kill once prompted.

He reaches up, now with his hand, to thread fingers through smooth, silvery hair. It's not an entirely alien feeling; he's known it before in that time they both won't speak of. But it is a reminder that for a man who declares himself something beyond human, he still has all the features of one.

And Gilgamesh explores them, slowly, carefully, as if he's never seen such things before. Touches his brow, the shell of an ear, the plane of a cheek, over his lips and across a firm jaw and down his neck, tracing all the way to the tender spot on his chest that houses his heart. He listens to each thump, and smiles, faintly.

Humans were frustrating animals. But they could also be quite beautiful by the virtue of their simple design.]

Do you dislike it?

[Gilgamesh asks, abruptly, eyes flickering to Archer's.]

No... I think, what's likeliest on your mind... "I do not know it, I do not understand it, I do not grasp it".

[And for all Archer can be a difficult read, Gilgamesh is certain he has it right this time.]

[ It isn't a completely unfamiliar feeling. He does recall at least one time since he's arrived that someone touched him this way -- it was soothing then, and it feels nice now. It's disconcerting at the same time, though, and while he doesn't overtly react to the gentle perusal of his face and torso, he does appear at a loss. He doesn't know what the other means to show or communicate with this, and it shows.

But does he, in fact, hate any of this? ]

...no.

[ He doesn't dislike it, but Gilgamesh's assessment is fairly close to the mark -- he doesn't know how to process this, and so it makes him uneasy.

Again, there's a pause. ]

I don't understand.

[ A soft admission. ]

It is fine to want something for yourself.

[A lifetime of struggle which Gilgamesh words so easily in a single sentence. More than discomfort, more than disagreement, the issue boils down to I cannot possibly have it. All Servants battled against this instinct, even King among them all, because even their King lacked in what each and every one craved: freedom.

Gilgamesh rests comfortably atop Archer's legs, as if he always belonged there, and tells him thus:]

It is fine to pursue your desires... and even if you happen to not know what they are, is also fine to say, "I shall chase after that horizon regardless".

[Something that may not sink in, in the moment, but he'll learn eventually.]

I am gifting you the freedom to choose this holiday. Consider us even, for saving my life I now save you with my graciousness.

[ I cannot possibly have it, is a state of mind Archer has held for a long time. A weapon does not have companions or set goals. It is there to kill and nothing else, and that has been his role for many years. Certainly, he still has a personality of his own, but everything has been sublimated for efficiency's sake and trying to keep his own sanity intact. Logically, he knows more is possible here, that he's no longer bound, but it's difficult to break from programming like that.

Still quiet, Archer doesn't move or offer much in the way of a reaction. He isn't sure how sincere Gilgamesh is being with all of this, but he isn't wrong, per se. This issue is, Archer has yet to determine what sort of horizon he should be chasing.

After a moment, he looks away. Another quiet admission follows: ]

I don't desire anything.

[ Or at least, not for himself. If he ever knew how to want things for himself when he was young, he's largely forgotten how to now. ]

Edited 2016-12-10 04:26 (UTC)

I excuse it. It is in itself a desire: a desire to find meaning in something not yet obtained.

[And that's all Gilgamesh has to say about that. There is no remedy for it other than time.

His features lighten up considerably, as if they hadn't just been engaged in deep philosophical discussion, and he proceeds to lounge. Subtly, this was teaching Archer something else—growing accustomed to intimate proximity being treated with a casual air.]

Well, I did try. You try, too. Or else I would be most disappointed that you failed my lesson.

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YES OR NO WHICH IS IT MAN

:V

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