pawnstorm | [open] http://imgur.com/a/dJVnA

Entry tags:

[open] http://imgur.com/a/dJVnA

Who: Kain (

ordealer) and whoever else tags this.
When: 8/23 - 9/15, during Rejectionquest 2k16
Where: Inside the home of little Sebastian Reuben Rumpleschnuck, fourth son among seven in a family of mages with a mighty lineage stretching back for generations, to the extent that even now you can find the Rumpleschnuck initials carved into random desks, initials that were scribed by Seb's great-great-great grandfather.
What: Crushed hopes, shattered dreams.
Rating: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Maybe one of the small children flings porn and ups the rating, I don't know.

[Little Rumpleschnuck crumpled to the ground. He had reached the last stage of the cycle of grief, having spent the last fifteen minutes screaming and shouting and then numb and then desperately asking the Heroes to...could they...could they do something? Anything? But no, he had reached acceptance and crumpled. His stare was bleak. His tears never ending. Sebastian Reuben Rumpleschnuck was numb, voiceless, speechless.

His six other siblings stared at them from the stairs. The older were worried and...angry, angry at the Heroes. The younger ones horrified - they had taken Pigeonsblood for granted. They should study!]

We'd...best leave.

[Understatement, that. And they had another 25 letters on this street to go! The flying pig oinked, distressed.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Don't need to tell me twice.

[Rory did not like this situation. Usually the people that came crying to him did not have physical bodies or tears left. While he made a hasty retreat, before he left, he gave the siblings one last glare. They know what they did. All these siblings and not one of them tried to get some sense into their sad shit brother? No, they were all too stupid and pinned everything on the messenger. He slammed the door after Kain.]

Fucking nightmare.

[He rubbed his hand over his eyes.]

Okay. New plan. Just deliver the letter and leave. Let them cry it out behind closed doors.

[He looked at the pig's distressed face.]

Don't even look at them. It's not your fault they're stupid.

And what then when they ask us about training the swine?

[He regrets taking this job. He regrets it.]

Given this world so far one of the wizards we're working with would have the ability to speak to the pigs and they'll use it as an excuse to dock our pay. No, better to get this over with. [Very directly get this over with. Head in, toss the letter at them, head out.] Get it over with very quickly. What is the next house on the list?

[He rolled his eyes. Was that not the same thing?]

Have it your way. Next house is this one on the left. Guess idiots flock together.

[He tucked the map away and walked to the door. While he knocked on the door and waited for someone to answer, he muttered.]

You a Queen? This would be a shit load easier with some charm magic.

[There is a difference and the difference is that he'll take a few minutes to crush dreams beneath his booted heel and grind them into dust ere leaving. That and it sounded like a dash and run was what Rory was proposing.]

A Knight. [And not by choice- well, in this case, but he'd be happier with gravity magic.] So I can shield us should the children pelt us with fire spells.

[Joke or no joke? Either way, the door's answered by a middle aged woman whose eyes widened as she saw them, but before she could ask-]

We're here to speak with Rupert... [...] ...Tinkleroddem.

["Is he in trouble with the law? My son did nothing wrong! He's a little one!"]

My hero.

[Rory's tone, however, was clearly sarcastic. In an instant, he straightened out his posture and kept a neutral expression once the woman opened the door. It faltered slightly when she began insisting her son was innocent. This could only mean the son was a little shit and she knew it, he assumed. Why else would she so readily defend him?]

[He cleared his throat to interrupt her.] Ma'am, we're here regarding his application to Pigeonsblood.

[He gestured to the pig, who then presented the letter addressed to Rupert.]

["But I thought the acceptances came by-"]

That would be a matter to bring up with the school, not with us. If you'll excuse us.

[Because.

He might not be the only one who feels like they're being watched.

And not just by the mournful eyes of Mama Tinkleroddem. In fact, said quietly;]

We're being watched, likely by...Rupert, if not more children. Something to watch for, pig.

[Small children pig ambushes.]

Have a nice day, ma'am.

[He definitely was not the only one. While he did a fair job of hiding it, he knew eyes were upon him and he loathed it. He muttered back, quietly.]

You can fly. You're tiny. Use it.

[Already, his eyes darted about to locate all potential troublemakers. While he did not expect much from children, that did not mean he was about to tolerate any of their shit. He kept his hand under the pig. It was the most vulnerable.]

[Yeah, pretty much that. They wouldn't die. They'd just be highly inconvenienced for a time.]

Do you want to get it over with, or should we continue with this farce and wait out our hunters?

[Or to put it another way find an isolated place and basically tell the kids they fucking suck to their face (and are likely the next seventeen rejections on their list because Rupert is a bad influence), or deliver the letters.]

Letters first. Gather them all up.

[No point in diverting from the path to find an isolated place now, only to do it again further down with another batch of children. Finish the job first, then they can crush their shitty egos.]

Big surprise, next one's across the street. Let's go.

Lead the way. [To Rory, then to the pig;] Watch the windows. There's a child staring at us even now, pig. You'll likely have worse if we weren't about. [The pig might be a bit concerned at this point.]

[He sighed as the pig flew lower and slower, its confidence quickly drained. He pushed it up and nudged it to go faster.]

We have a job. Finish it.

[The next delivery came and went, as did the next, and the one after that. The parents cried, protested, but apart from the letter, a short word or two was all he left them with before departing.

Finally, the last house closed its doors. They had no deliveries left and the disgruntled children banded together. None of them came close to threatening, yet they seemed to think they had a chance. An alley led to an isolated area.]

That's the last of it.

[He identified the children in hiding. Seriously, some of them thought hedges made a good hiding spot.]

Kids these days.

If I’d known this would involve babysitting I’d have passed on this job. [Kain had crushed a lot of parents’ hearts, though. “But surely you could hel-“ “No?”] If they’d attended to their studies as diligently as they’ve been stalking us then this would be a great deal different.

[…maybe. People would be rejected regardless. Either way.] Let’s get this farce over with. [To the isolated area. A small Gammon version of a basketball court, let’s say. Either way, their silent stalkers- well, a third of them (the smart ones without spine) kind of decided to run away at that point because they could see where this was going, or, at best, was watching it from afar. The rest followed and that was how they ended up being menaced by twelve angry kids. One declared, “Why did you reject us?”]

You’d have to ask Pigeonsblood, not us.

["No!" cried one child. "What do you know? You're stupid!" "It's your fault!"

The children all cried similarly rash and misguided accusations. If this was how they rationalised things, it was little wonder how they failed to gain entrance to Pigeonsblood. Their whiny voices gave Rory a headache. He had heard enough.]

Just stop. You're all stupid. That's why you failed.

[The boldest child, of course, it was Rupert, stepped in front to show the Heroes just what a reject could do. He shouted a spell and flung his arms wildly, spraying out water at the two.

Rory had seen toys with better firepower. He did not even bother with a shield. His aim was so sloppy that he simply stepped aside and remained dry. The other children, driven by Rupert's initiative, suddenly went on the attack.]

[What ensued was probably the world's stupidest fight(???) scene. Needless to say that everyone was a loser, in different ways, the main one being Rupert who ended up knocked on his ass at one point.] If you've this much determination then-...

This is why I hate dealing with children.

[...

This is like-

Why. At least the pig's safe.]

[There had been many low points in Rory's young life. This, however, this was just sad. While Kain handled the, whatever this pathetic dance was, Rory sneaked back to the alley. As the children ran away in tears, he shot each of them with a minor healing spell so the only damage they left with was their bruised egos. It was just to cover their asses. If the kids went home with so much as a scratch he knew their parents would raise hell for it.

Finally, the last child left and Rory put his hands over his face.]

I'm done for the day. No more letters.

Agreed. Let's never speak of this again. [THE WORST JOB EVER OH MY GOD.]

[ The micropig squeals, a little scared at how everyone has been reacting so horrible to the letters? Saber looks pretty concerned herself, but rejection letters are a part of life... It's fine. No worries.

The family seem to getting their blunt weapons now? Her frown only grows more before nodding to Kain. This way, mister dragoon. This way. ]

I do not think this is helping our reputation.

Given how well things have been going for us we have likely been past due for something of this kind. If not letters than it would have been something else. [Party planning, writing letters...really, if you think about it, the only thing they've had consistent successes with was beating stuff up. Else it's been a lot of failed diplomacy checks.

Go team. Once they're outside.]

We've been followed to the last two houses.

[Which he knows, and he knows she knows, and he knows she probably knows that he knows. Pig doesn't know: pig seems alarmed. O-oink? But after the second house he just felt like...they should address the elephant in the room: their stalker.]

Yes... We have been.

[ She can feel them skulking behind them. There's an obvious sense of danger, but they haven't decided to ambush them yet. Saber looks concerned though. ]

While I can immobilize them, I worry what will happen if we were to abandon them.

[ Her only worry. ]

[If he were a less polite person he'd suggest finding a garden shed and just leaving them in there. The thought did occur to him, actually.]

It's likely either one of the people we're to reject or someone out to avenge their sibling's letters. [You know, like the people they just left. And there's ten more names on the list.

This job really sucks.] Best not to hurt them too badly. How long does...whatever you do last?

[The next house down is the-...

...]

Tugelburt house. [Surely there must be a misspelling in the name.]

It depends on how much mana I use... It can last for quite a while if it's used on someone with less resistance to magic.

[ She considers it, but thinks maybe it would be best to wait it out? They're not being ambushed just yet and the spell may only aggravate them more when they wake up. It's difficult to keep going with daggers being thrown through mere glares though. ]

I will put them to sleep for a couple minutes so we can make this delivery and gain distance.

[ LET THE TUGELBURTS DOWN GENTLY, KAIN. ]

[What? Nah. They'll be crushed with efficiency and ruthless determination beneath his feet like they deserve to be.

...

...okay, no, he'll do his best because they don't deserve it.]

Please. [That was to the suggestion of putting them to sleep, a sort of, "Please, go for it." or "Please, make our lives easier and help us skip the fight." Either way, after she did her thing he strode up to the Tugelburts' residence and knocked on the door. The micropig oinked, kind of confused. The door opened. Also looking confused was the person who answered the door, who seemed to be Mr. Tugelburt. He took in the fact he had two armed Heroes as well as a pig knocking on his door and stammered out, "Y-yes?"]

Is this the Tugelburt residence? We've a letter for your daughter. De... [...that can't be right.] Alstroemeria Tugelburt. ["Is she in troubl-" (Apparently it was right.)] No.

[Things went downhill from there, resulting in Mr. Tugelburt staring into the distance whilst clutching a letter.]

[ She channels her mana into a small slumber spell that puts those stalkers to sleep. Quickly, she returns to Kain only to find him with a rather... perplexed expression? She's starting to think that's his default face at this opint. ]

Did something go wrong?

[ She'll follow him as they make distance between their previous house and their pursuers. ]

He tried to bribe me, and in the process made several remarks which showed me how Gammon views us. Have you met Vietnam? [Rhetorical question.] I have not, not directly, but Tugelbert told me of how his child had a poster and cards of her and was hoping that...given his son's love for her...that I could perhaps pass along his regards, and she in turn could influence Pigeonsblood and get them to change their minds on the rejection.

[He shook his head. He just didn't fucking know.]

How went it with you and them?

... Yes, though I can't say I completely understand how he thinks that Heroes have enough influence to corrupt the application system in such a way.

[ That is deceitful!! With the look on her face, it doesn't seem like she approves of it, but doesn't say more. ]

They went down easily. They aren't experienced--meaning we are quite luckily, considering many prestigious families applied as well.

[ Meaning overpowered spellcasters. ]

Our luck can only hold for us for so far. We'd best get this over with. [They're moving, but- actually, no, despite the dramatic statement he's just kind of walking along. Kind of briskly, but not excessively so. It was the one-two of they'll likely make things suck followed by wait what the poop am I doing they're young mages and granted, I knew a couple of six year olds who joined Cecil and could summon meteors, but if they were good mages they'd be in Pigeonsblood. He shook his head.

Caissa was getting to him. No, they're just going to briskly walk.]

From what I understood his argument was that clearly, if his son as well as his son's friends were fans of Vietnam and others- [He considered if he wanted to mention the comic he heard the father speak of and they could speculate about it...then decided that no, no, some things? No. At least for now, no, they didn't need to learn about Gammon's doujinshi circles and fanfic communities and real person RP which was play by actual mail and LARPers.] -then surely someone amongst Pigeonsblood's administration must be as well.

[They're probably going to encounter LARPers before the job's through now.]

[ Saber sometimes wonders what goes on in Kain's head, but decides against pondering for too long. They have a job to do, so she wistfully follows after him despite their unfavorable predicament. They're wanted by several mage families and there's only more to come. ]

That's a strange assumption. It would be better to be accepted from one's own merit.

[ Speaking of LARPers over here, except it looks like they're arguing about powerlevels? ]

You might think that, but if you were desperate enough to accomplish something - for yourself or for others - then you'd resort to a great deal to ensure that it was done.

[Speaking personally? Maybe a little. He's going to slow a bit to look at the LARPers- and then remember that they're being followed by a bunch of half-trained magelings and start walking again.]

And likely a few of them have rationalized it as them accomplishing it through less conventional merit- did that one just imply the Prime Minister could win this war singlehandedly with a...Kumiracle Sonic Bear Slash?

[It's like they were trained by Owain.]

... I believe so, though I never heard of such a technique before.

[ Saber doesn't even suspect it to be ridiculous. Some noble phantasms and the rules around using them are ridiculous. Why do they have to scream their names to activate them? Does taht even make sense?

Either way, she merely tries to walk pass them until one of them point to Kain. They want his autograph--the girls, however, want his commitment for eternity. ]

Let us quickly move.

[ SHE GOT YOU FAM. But then one of the angry mage family members throws a fireball at them. It at least lights Saber's coat aflame. Okay, maybe they don't have this. ]

[He spat out something quick and vulgar, the knightly version of an oath like, "This situation fucking stinks like the wrong end of the bastard child of a skunk and a wet dog dipped in piss and lit on fire." Use your imagination.]

Yes, let's.

[Does she have the coat problem taken care of? Because if not, guess who's got two thumbs and is really bad at a water spell. This asshole, that's who.

There might be some mocking laughter in the background and he's resisting the urge to go all drill sergeant on their asses. (And where is their pig going???)]

[ Saber decides to ditch her coat. It was nice, but now no longer salvageable. As fast as it drops, those that have been chasing after them and or mocking them jump at the chance to keep a "regalia" of an otherworldly Hero. ]

I'm starting to wonder if antics like these usually come hand in hand with jobs in this world.

[ But now it seems with the commotion behind them, they can continue on with delivery-- ]

... Have you seen where the piglet went?

No, I was distracted by that coat of yours and-

[They're just going to be the kids in the kitchen of Jurassic Park, aren't they?]

You may have given them an idea.

[As in, they'd better beat it.]

... An idea?

[ She doesn't quite understand, but she does realize that he's right, so she toddles as fast as she can away. Unfortunately, the girls that are in love with Kain, are high-class mages.

Those spikes of ice that just formed on the ground in an instant to block their path?

That's them.

They want your underwear. ]

These civilians are quite dangerous.

[ Why would anyone live here?? How is nothing broken down and on fire constantly? ]

[What the poop.]

Understatement, that. One day let me tell you of Mysidia.

[Casual danger dialogue! Why are they attacking? Are they that broke? Is this mugging? They're totally being mugged, except in a high class way. He's instinctively reaching for a weapon before remembering-]

They're civilians.

[-and thus they can't attack- why are they staring at his crotch? Are they? They seem to be.] They're- [No, he's not going to acknowledge the fact he's feeling weird right now.] Have you any ideas? [He could do a single target dance number (why are the shutter shades easily one of the most powerful weapons he's ever owned) but that only takes care of one of them.

He might anyway.]

Would your spectacles be able to distract them all?

[ Since she remembers the bear from before. It boogied its way to them, but at an unfortunately slow pace. That would be fine? It wouldn't be too bad... Like putting them to sleep like she did to the earlier group, right? Maybe they should have thought this through. In the real world, they would be arrested. ]

Illusion magic would be convenient right now... However, I do have curses. I can... make them considerably slower?

...I distract one, and you slow the others. Between the two of us we should drive them into confusion long enough to make our escape.

[...why is he sounding like they're about to go into battle. This is hi-

This is their lives.

This is what they became.

Why.]

Remember to handle the piglet with care, Kain.

[ She readies the spell in her mind, already starting the incantation as she dodges a stray fireball that is definitely meant for her. It wouldn't be called a stray at this point, right?

The her slow is released, and the women after Kain's booty have almost come to a stop. It's hard to tell, but they are moving less than a snail's pace. If they were a more humorous couple of characters, they would be enjoying the slow-mo reactions right now. The one holding the pig, however, panics and tries to almost kill them with a beam of light. ]

[Oh dear gods. He'd taken this job because it had seemed easy enough. Normally, letters were the purvey of the Saniwa's pigeons and not for swords, but with the communication grid down for whatever reason, even Doudanuki thought it was important. He just hadn't listened to what the letters were supposed to be about. After the first one, he'd realized the horrible mistake he'd made, but well, it was too late to back the hell out.

So here he is, standing (awkwardly) with Kain, watching a little child melt down like metal in the forge. He looks at his current partner and tries not to let the grimace escape the look in his eyes.]

Yeeaah.... guess we should.

[And he's going to take a cautious step backward. If the kid starts screeching again, he has no idea what to do.]

You must realize that they can sense your fear. [Is this a quietly murmured deadpan joke or dead seriousness? Does it matter? No. they're edging out.

The kid doesn't seem to react besides crying even harder, which only expedites them leaving. But-]

The pig?

[It somehow seemed to have vanished between them leaving the room and heading to the hallway. The window had been open and the kids had seemed malicious...]

[Kain. Kain, why. Why you gotta do this to him. He thought you were cool.

Doudanuki stops dead for a second, until he realizes that kids are stupid and definitely cannot smell his fear at all. Human children are not that bright. Besides, this child is currently trying to drain an ocean through his eyes, so Doudanuki doubts he can smell anything. He rolls his eyes and then realizes that yes, the pig is missing.

And the window is open.]

Are you kidding me?

[He drags a hand down his face and sighs.]

It must've bolted when the kid started screamin' like his life was over.

[The wailing intensifies behind him and he picks up the pace, heading for the door.]

You got any way to call it back?

[...] Do I look like a trainer of swine? [No??? Anyway, he's also starting to get a move on. There's faintly distressed porcine noises coming from the south.]

[Honestly????

No, but Doudanuki doesn't know what a trainer of swine would look like and the flying pig thing had been following Kain around the most so??????

The sword shrugs and follows after Kain and the sound of crying pigs. Is it their pig? It could be another pig for all he knows, but at least it's a pig that is not near the crying children.]

If we're supposed to be the great "heroes" of this place, why're they makin' us do stuff like this?

[Well. Okay. They're going after the crying pig(s?) noise. It's that direction. In a park, which already takes this in an ominous directly because there's probably some accident involving a swing set or jungle gym and them having to coax down the pig lest it fly off again.]

I think because it pleases them to see us run about doing things so mundane. To see us doing something so ordinary in between our battles.

[The powers that be need better hobbies.]

Or something akin to that. I would not know.

Yeah?

[ Doudanuki doesn't look at all appreciative of that idea. He thinks it's a stupid idea and he's going to ignore the hell out of the powers that be now. Stupid Thierry and his stupid platform shoes.]

Who cares what we do between battles? If they let us train more often, maybe we wouldn't be stuck in this place for so--

[Oh my god, is that their pig? On top of the jungle gym? Crying because there's a cat on the ground staring at it?

Yep, that's their pig crying on top of a jungle gym that's way too complex for children because a stray cat is eyeing it from the ground. Wunderbar.]

Found it.

[Look. Look at the scene before them. This is what their lives have become - lots of petsitting. He stares at the pig for a long moment, and then his gaze shifts down at the cat and lingers there for a moment, and then heads back up again. It's vaguely tempting to say, "Hey, why don't we just ditch this, go find an ice cream place, get sundaes, and then cry a lot about the shitshow that Caissa is to us." Except in Kainese, so a great deal more formal and restrained, and perhaps with alcohol instead of ice cream.

But it's only vaguely tempting and they do have a job to do, so instead he sighed.] I'll attend to the cat...they seem to be chasing me about, regardless of what I do, and you coax down our pig?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[open] http://imgur.com/a/dJVnA

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

Scrubs face. Gets tea. Scrubs more face. Gets more tea.

GIVE ME TEA

No, because I could've sworn I replied to your last tag but it wasn't there and nani.

I THINK YOU DID BUT YOU DELETED IT? idr

I don't know. I really don't know. Do I look like I know? I'm weak.

i'm also weak we can forget together

let's do this thing bro

YEAH!

LEEEEEROOOOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYY

JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENKINS!!!!!!!!!! and people think I'm stoic.

am i ruining your reputation

If you are it deserved it, honestly.

good to know i'm just serving the public good

You're a hero to us all and/or lowering their guards before I STRIKE.