DUNGEON ♛ LIEFSTE CARNAVAL

[boardmaster]

LIEFSTE CARNAVAL
20 JULY (DELPHINE) 2016

The Heroes chosen for this dungeon may reach Petrosian by any means they choose (by Airy with passports, by foot, by train, etc.) but they must travel to the area under suspicion by a smaller train, sponsored by VIPs; from there, they will take the fifteen mile, bumpy ride from the quaint town station to an open valley downstream. As you’re jostled around in your seat, a cheery announcement informs you that this train ride was sponsored by the illustrious Ryder, who felt it was necessary to express his gratitude to the Heroes and their admirable efforts that just barely saved his life last month. How thoughtful of him.

As the train chugs to a stop, beyond the forest and behind our Heroes, endless fields of gold seem to stretch out as far as the eye can see. What was once rich green grass has been painted yellow by the sweltering heat and clear summer sky. Few trees offer shelter from the sun, but most Heroes will have to provide their own shade as they wait for Secretary Verdoni and Ryder’s quick debriefing.

	Verdoni [ he looks so done with Ryder, but he has a job to do ] Every year, this field serves as the site of the famous Liefste Carnaval. For obvious reasons, we do not usually spend money to send our forces here, and if anyone would like to convince me otherwise, I shall have them entertain their fellow rapscallions at St. Amant.
	Ryder [ coughs ]
	Verdoni [ shut up ] However, due to financial constraints and missing people reports in the area, the carnival was canceled. And yet it is here. We have reason to believe that the reports of missing individuals tie into this carnival. Furthermore, our researchers say there is an abnormal amount of mana activity in the area. Given your previous experience with those, I don’t believe I need to elaborate any further. Your job is to investigate the carnival, find the truth behind it, and retrieve the dungeon core. As for your transportation, we’ve arranged a—
	Ryder Thank you, Secretary. Heroes. Out of gratitude for your heroic rescue, the least I could do was provide some incentive to fetch me a souvenir. This train, the Big Red, was built by one of Gammon’s finest mechanics. I had it shipped here under great expense so that you could enjoy the luxury of Gammon. I hope you Heroes are fortunate enough to visit my land soon. [ and as an afterthought: ] Ah, and rescue those people. Of course. By the way, this weather is absolutely dreadful. My skin was never this dry back in Cochrane. Guard A, Guard B, set up camp. We don’t want to faint from the heat later, do we?
	Verdoni [ why is this guy even here ] To answer the question on everyone’s minds: yes, there is a point to collecting these dungeon cores. Apart from restoring natural order to the land, we have reason to believe the dungeon cores may hold the key to finding a way home for you Heroes... Once we have proper confirmation, I will soon be able to make a formal announcement. Secondly, yes, Commander Lisbrand is still recovering from the Noir attack. We are hoping that she’ll be well enough to join us soon. For now, we do what we can.

Basic info on the dungeon can be found here. Dungeon mechanics can be found here. All OOC questions about the event may be directed to the thread below.

ONE ♙
Welcome to the Liefste Carnaval! Don’t be shy, come on in!

There’s nothing of note when you approach the carnival’s entrance. The hustle and bustle of any other fun-filled festival can be heard from the outside, complete with excited shouts and distant music. The smell of popcorn and other saccharine treats waft over and make your mouth water…

Before you satisfy your cravings, you should get a ticket. You’ll be greeted by a vaguely humanoid ticket seller entirely covered in confetti and pieces of torn tickets, with a rattling breath as if it caught a cold. It doesn’t speak and merely points to a sign that says 500 colle per person! What? Not everything comes for free. An item of similar value will also suffice.

If you refuse to pay and shoulder your way past it, you’ll find yourself shoved onto your back, face to face with the ticket seller himself. The bits of paper on its face rustle before it shuffles back over to the stand. Try again and you’ll find yourself getting further and further away from the entrance as a minor curse begins to settle upon you. You may come up with your own curse (e.g. loss of voice, speaking in gibberish). Thankfully, the curse doesn’t last long, but the message should be clear: pay for your ticket.

Once you have acquired your ticket, you are free to enter the carnival at your leisure. Should you turn around to ask the ticket seller for more information, it will vanish into thin air, leaving nothing but a small heap of confetti.

Walk past the first booth; a gaggle of happy children with balloons approach you with boxes of welcoming gifts. Though you might want to remember what all children are taught: don’t take candy from strangers.

MONSTER ♟ Wicht
Weak against Fire, Holy	Strong against None	Immune to Dark
A demon possessing a wooden puppet painted and carved in the form of a happy child with rosy cheeks. It offers BOXES OF CHOCOLATE to unsuspecting victims. Be warned: the chocolate will give you CHILLS AND MALAISE, and eating it will prompt fellow Wichts to link their hands together and circle around you as they chant RING AROUND THE ROSIE. This is not an innocent game, but a spell that accelerates the progression of the disease inside you, manifesting in RASHES, FEVER, SNEEZING AND COUGHING. The Wichts have no sympathy to spare; they’ll keep chanting ‘til you all fall down! Don’t feel like chocolate today? Oh, the Wichts insist. As they shove their boxes at you, their giggles turn into maniacal laughter. Their cherubic features melt into something sharper, harder, and you barely have time to react before they try to rip your heart out with their SHARP CLAWS. Catching Wichts is not easy. They use the wind magic of their BALLOONS to fly out of harm’s way, and the more mischievous ones will inhale the helium inside to release BANSHEE-LIKE SCREAMS that will stun and knock your party back. You can eliminate these demons by any means, but defeating these wooden puppets with HOLY MAGIC will banish the demonic spirit inside them, rendering them lifeless with the angelic features they originally had. These Petrosian-style puppets show really good craftsmanship! DROPS: Colorful Balloons, Gift Boxes, Petrosian Puppets, Wicht Claws, Mana-infused Wood

Suddenly, the cheerful and festive atmosphere vanishes. A flag flutters against a strong, abrupt gust of wind. Shadows seem to whisper and point and watch with gleaming, uncountable eyes. The paths are deserted and what was a vibrant place full of life is now anything but.


TWO ♙
In the chocolate box of the first Wicht you defeat, you will find a hand-drawn map of the carnival. It is extremely detailed and meticulously labeled with every ride, shop, and sideshow. Does this cartographer have a perfectionist streak? There’s a crudely-painted red heart circling one attraction in particular: the tunnel of love. But from the way the color dried, you’re starting to think that’s not paint…

Before you reach the tunnel of love, you have to pass through game stalls and the haunted house. Move quickly; those familiar Wicht giggles are approaching and they will not take no for an answer. Hide behind stalls or large crates to avoid them. Perhaps Rooks or Illusion Queens can cover the party’s tracks!

If you choose to hide behind stalls and crates, a cold draft might hit your back, send a shiver down your spine and make you whirl around to confront—no one. But you could have sworn you saw a shadow in the corner of your eye… Before you can think, something too close for comfort bursts into hysterical laughter, attracting the attention of the Wichts and forcing you to abandon your shelter.

However, Wichts can’t touch you if you join in the fun, and the carnival offers a variety of games to play, from dime pitch games to shooting galleries. A man next to a strongman game might even holler at you to step right up and test your strength. Neither firearms, ammo or hammers will be provided, but you’re Heroes, right? Improvise! Win, and you’ll be greeted by...

MONSTER ♟ Steun
Weak against Holy	Strong against Dark	Immune to None
Carnival staff manning the stalls with smiles that will haunt your nightmares. People who win their games infuriate them! Their weapon of choice depends on where you find them. Food vendors will be eager to hurl BOILING OIL or throw an entire GRILL at your face, while those at the shooting galleries might come at you with FIREARMS—real ones! But sometimes, a bullet won’t kill you. Instead, it will make you smell like cotton candy. It will also cast CHARM MAGIC on you, making your party members fall in love with you. Only strong willpower can break the spell… or you know, a good, old-fashioned kiss. Staff members may also toss stuffed toys at you, but these cute and cuddly things aren’t a gift of goodwill. They’re enchanted grenades that explode into heart-shaped confetti and release a gas that will make you LAUGH UNCONTROLLABLY for a good five minutes. DROPS: Assorted Guns and Bullets, Carnival Food Items, Stuffed Toys, Carnival Staff Jacket

Glad that’s over! Unfortunately, this doesn’t seem to be the last area you needed to traverse. Checking the map again reveals that the haunted house is up next. But that shouldn’t be a big deal; you can usually avoid those by simply walking past, right?

Wrong. As you enter the area, you’ll soon realize that the roads around the house are clogged up by cotton candy and popcorn which might serve as convenient snacks to replenish your mana. The only free path leads to the front door.


THREE ♙
The floorboards creak as your party enters the haunted house. A flash of lightning preceding a crack of thunder reveals a large, arachnid leg. Clicking noises of pincers are the only warnings Heroes get before your party is grabbed and hauled upwards, one by one. Tough strings like silk trap your bodies in a tight cocoon that dangles from the ceiling. Resistance is futile, as struggling will damage your clothes. Don’t worry about flashing anyone; the spider is more than happy to cover your bare areas with more form-hugging strings. The spider silk seems to be enchanted, since captured Heroes cannot escape on their own. You must help them to proceed!

As the spider works on hauling its prey upwards, the others must rescue their comrade before it’s too late! Unfortunately, your entrance has awoken a sudden rush of monsters, and the blood and drool they’re spewing make it hard to believe they’re in costume. Hobbling and groaning zombies, scarecrows and half molten blobs or something in between are eager to have you for dinner themselves. The enemies themselves are not particularly dangerous; it’s their sheer number and the furniture they’ve knocked over which make this fight a pain in the neck. Kick and bat and suplex your way through the enemy ranks until you reach the rickety stairs.

Climbing with care, you finally make your way to the second floor. There is a spider lurking in a corner...

MONSTER ♟ Heer Spinnekop
Weak against Water	Strong against Earth, Wind	Immune to Lightning
“I must say, that was very rude of you. No one has ever turned down an invitation to my tea parties.” A calm and chipper tea-sipping, monocle-wearing SPIDER too big to fit through the front door. The wealthy Lord Spinnekop studied in Gammon for a time and the accent has stuck with him ever since. Despite his manners, he isn’t too pleased to have his snack stolen from under its nose. What’s he going to dunk in his tea cup now? So he’ll try to trap the Heroes once more with his SILK THREADS, please and thank you. His threads will wrap around you in patterns that bind and appeal to the senses. “Ooh, could you do that again? It makes my spinneret tingle!” For some reason, LIGHTNING MAGIC doesn’t work against the monstrous spider. But continue to refuse him and he’ll splash piping hot Gammonian Breakfast tea at your face… or shirt. Let’s hope you didn’t wear something thin and white. As the battle goes on, he’ll crawl from corner to corner, and soon, you’ll notice a method to his madness: he’s been weaving a HUGE, STICKY WEB for you all! “No, no, you’ve got it all wrong. I’ll wash you down—after I chew and swallow!” Heroes he likes, he’ll trap in his web and eat. Heroes he doesn’t? He’ll toss them in a giant KETTLE of water he’s been boiling in the kitchen! How does Heroic tea sound? However, chatting with the spider (and boy, does he love to chat) will reveal that despite growing up in the lowlands of Petrosian and living in rainy Gammon, he detests water. WATER MAGIC might just wash the spider out! DROPS: Fancy Tea Set, Top Hat, Monocle, Gentleman’s Gloves, Silk Threads

You’ve had it with this @#$%ing spider in this @#%$ing haunted house! Goodbye and good riddance. The doors upstairs seem to lead to nowhere so you’ll have to climb through the open hatch in the ceiling to exit. On the roof, you can finally survey the entire dungeon, but don’t linger for too long. Otherwise, you’ll be compelled to jump off the roof!

Hope you’re not afraid of heights, because the only way to advance to the tunnel of love is by jumping from roof to roof.


FOUR ♙
Finally, the infamous tunnel of love rests before you in all its glittery, pink glory. Rose petals coat the sign and flower chains hang from the tunnel ceiling. Echoes of sensual moans can be heard from the outside, but there’s no turning back. Once you’ve secured yourself a swan boat, you’re in for quite the joyride. The dulcet tones of a romantic serenade give you something else to focus on other than the disturbingly intimate shadows on the walls, but even the music stops every now and then to amplify the voices further in.

Then all of a sudden, the water of the tunnel starts flowing in the other direction. Due to the shape of the boat, Heroes get doused in cold water, and that’s the least of your problems. More Steuns will come out of the woodwork and take potshots at the Heroes with their guns. Talk about wet and wild! The tunnel’s heart-shaped props might also come to life and attempt to drown Heroes. Why not? It’s not like couples ever want to leave.

After several merry minutes, the water will be drained out completely. Who doesn’t enjoy being stranded in the middle of enemy territory? As you walk down the tunnel, there’s a point that diverges into several paths. Following the path that smells like roses will appear to put you on the right track, but leads to a dead end. Looking around, you’ll find a raised, heart-shaped platform with graffiti that says, NOW DO IT! ❤

That’s awfully specific. Considering where you are, you probably meet the riddle with mild surprise. Maybe if you try to kiss someone, you’ll be able to advance! But actually, if you wait long enough, a simple hug might yet suffice.

Once the riddle has been satisfied, the wall opens to reveal the inside of a circus tent. Vacant bleachers surround the stage, and though they are empty, deafening cheers seem to come from people filling the seats. Without warning, all the lights go out, save for a single spotlight...

BOSS ♟ Y. U. Lyon the Spelleider and his Circus
Weak against None	Strong against Fire	Immune to Dark, Status Effects
“Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls! Welcome to the best show in the world! I’ve travelled the seven seas, so I should know.” An outstanding and prolific RINGMASTER who recently fell out of the limelight. After some soul searching, Ser Lyon’s back with a bigger and better show that’ll knock everyone’s socks off! Eat your heart out, Cirque du Etoile. As the leader of this circus, he has the fully loyalty of his performers—and pets. With a crack of his whip, he summons large, maned LIONS that growl as they bare their sharp, white fangs. They attack the Heroes on his orders. Don’t let the large felines jump through those flaming hoops, as these will ENGULF THEM IN FIRE, too! Use WATER to put the flames out. ”Such teamwork… Geluk and I were the same. Why am I thinking about him at a time like this? For our next act…!” Should you defeat his precious lions, he will send out his beloved CIRCUS PERFORMERS: acrobats that can kick your butt, contortionists that can bend themselves twice over as they lock you in a CHOKEHOLD, unicycle-riding jugglers waiting for the right moment to toss you a KNIFE or MOLOTOV COCKTAIL, and tightrope walkers ready to DROP DEADLY SPEARS onto unsuspecting Heroes. You might even get tackled by the occasional cannonball man and GET LAUNCHED OUT OF THE TENT with him! Circus performers of all kinds will try to steal the show, and your imagination’s the limit. Unlike the ringmaster, these people are WEAK TO STATUS EFFECTS. ”He told me to meet him during the Festivale de la Ceinturonne, but I had a show that night. I couldn’t abandon my circus! That was years ago… I haven’t heard from him since. I wonder what would have happened… if I had gone to see him… If I had gone to see him…!” Although his stars are gone, the show must go on. As the drum rolls, the lone Ser Lyon reaches inside his mouth to pull out a sharp SWORD with a flourish. How long has that been in there? Not important. Forget about admiring his top-notch swordsmanship, too—he’s here to kill! Even as you keep your distance, you can’t escape him when he strikes you with his WHIP and singes your skin with his FIRE-BREATHING SKILLS. From time to time, he pulls MAGICAL BIRDS out of his coat to distract Heroes. They will disappear the moment you strike them. ”Bravo, bravo. The circus is my life, but… your teamwork has reminded me of something far more important. Still… we put on a good show, didn’t we?” Before his last breath, he pulls a lovespur out of thin air. It was his closest friend’s favorite magic trick. A DUNGEON CORE rises from his chest, and he ends the show with an elegant bow and a smile. DROPS: Ringmaster Staff, Ringmaster Coat, Lion Mane, Juggling Balls, Sword, Hoop, Balance Pole, Torches

Once Y. U. Lyon the Spelleider and his lackeys have been defeated, the phantom cheering cuts off. The bleachers are suddenly occupied by the missing Petrosians, exhausted and confused as to how they ended up here. The dungeon magic appears to have compelled them to act the way they did. Reassure them, help them down from the bleachers and make absolutely sure you leave no one behind.

Soon, the carnival gates open. The show is over and it’s time for everyone to go home.


FIVE ♙
Once you step out of the gates, there’s a flash of light and a final pop of confetti. The next time you blink, you’ll find yourself in a campsite. It seems like Ryder kept his word and set up a rest stop for everyone exiting the dungeon. You’re back in one piece and the area seems to be back to normal as well. Relieved murmurs spring up from the rescued Petrosians who are quick to thank the Heroes profusely before they are whisked away by Blanc’s medics for a check-up.

Verdoni Good work, Heroes. What you do with the dungeon cores is your business alone, but all efforts to assist us in assessing them will be appreciated. That includes providing us with said dungeon cores, of course. I will report our findings as soon as we can. Thank you.

As he leaves, he catches the sight of Ryder and clicks his tongue. That Gammonian is making good use of his human footrest again. Some things never change.

Now that Heroes have left the dungeon, they are free to do whatever they want to. Rest in the tents? Fill your rumbling tummies? Treat injuries? It’s up to them!

Comments

TEAM EATS

[fuhrinkaed]

[For Teyud, Susan, Ed, and Ag/kito!]

1

[fuhrinkaed]

[When Ed tries greeting the ticket seller (Hey, gotta' be nice to the dungeon denizens) and it points to the sign, he tilts his head to the side in confusion.]

Ahh... huh. I guess that makes sense, we're supposed to be seeing a whole carnival and checking out the rides... [He's pulling out his wallet, sorting out 500 colle without even thinking twice about it.]

[He's taking things in stride, at least?]

--Hey guys, you should get tickets too I think. This seems like it might be fun!

Re: 1

[suzinkazan]

I can't believe we're actually required to buy a ticket. [She's still not questioning it, though.]

...

Save the ticket. [I'm sending an expenses report here, 500 colle is a lot!]

[sky_sharkling]

[Right now, Akito's in control of their body, though Agito is close by in their mind. He's glad that he's getting to do something with a friend again, even if it's possibly dangerous]

Maybe it's just part of the dungeon? It's a little strange, but it's a lot different to the last dungeon we did.

[He may not have mentioned the multiple personalities thing to the girls yet. Oops]

[shewhocompels]

Teyud tried to force her way through with a muttered "We don't have time for this," only to be rebuffed effortlessly. She glared at the ticket keeper, who stared back with a bland smile

had not brought much in the way of money. She hadn't expected to need it on what was supposed to be a battlefield. 500 colle just about cleaned her out.

"I expect to be reimbursed for this."

[fuhrinkaed]

Reimbursal..? But... it's just 500 colle. That's not a lot at all. [There it is! The disconnected money sense of the bourgeois.]

Er... Well, anyways. I'll hold on to the ticket, but we've got a bigger problem. [The problem is the nice puppet kids dancing around them with candy.]

Dancing cute puppets... normally aren't a good thing in a mysterious carnival that shouldn't exist, right?

2

[suzinkazan]

UH... GUYS...

[Susan was not exactly thrilled at the moment. It was her own fault, but having not been paying the BEST of attention, she suddenly stumbled into view of one of the shooting galleries, and was greeted by staff popping up. With guns.]

Now, let's tal-AWK!

[And Susan is shot, repeatedly, before they duck back down behind their counter. RIP Susan.

Or not, since she doesn't fall down. Instead the bullets just.

Hit her.

And she smells really, really powerfully of cotton candy now. A scent that seems to hit a person really hard, mentally.]

WHY.

[fuhrinkaed]

[Sniff sniff. OH, WAIT, he recognizes this smell...it smells--]

You smell awesome! [Wait this isn't the time for that, Ed, there are people over there with guns. Or so you'd think--but no, he's busy staring at Susan instead.]

Actually. Do you always smell that nice? It's kind of a good scent for you.

[suzinkazan]

...No, I don't always smell like BUBBLEGUM Ed. [She's infuriated already.]

And is this really the time to be discussing it?!

[sky_shark]

[Strong willpower, check. Kind of confused at what the hell Ed's on about, check. Whatever, Agito's just going to ready a gravity spell for when the guys with guns show up again]

Why the fuck are you choosing now to notice this anyway? [You know. In the middle of a dangerous area. Priorities Ed, do you have them]

[fuhrinkaed]

[He gestures at Susan.]

Why wouldn't I notice it now! Her hair carries with it the wondrous luster of flames, and sparkles at its best in the midst of a chaotic battlefield like this! Her eyes, like twin emeralds that hold within them an infinite pool of wondrous knowledge...

I want to shout it from the top of the attractions! ...but I won't, because that would get us shot at. [Nodnod.]

[suzinkazan]

[...What.]

Ed. What the hell are you talking about.

This isn't the time, we need to, y'know, burn down that stand. [That's probably extreme, but they shot her.]

[shewhocompels]

It would seem Edward has been driven mad.

[Iron hard will plus not really being THAT into girls left Teyud largely unaffected by the charm effect. She grabbed Ed by the back of his shirt before he could climb on the stand or climb on Susan, then cautiously peeked over their improvised cover with one eye to judge distances.]

I can provide enough cover for us to get close, but we'll have to move quickly.

3

[shewhocompels]

[Teyud reacted quickly, slashing down the strands of spider silk that descended from above to capture them.

That was the plan, anyways. Unfortunately the silk could not be cut. She didn't get dragged away herself, but she DID lose her sword.]

Frustration! Outrage! This is not a pleasing randomness!

[Cursing in Demotic is weird, okay? Teyud backed up, now reduced from Sword and Pistol to Just Pistol, and watched the flood of monsters close in.]

I am open to suggestions!

Re: 3

[suzinkazan]

[Susan is shooting fire bolts, quite displeased herself.]

My only suggestion is to burn things!

[She sloshes a big splash from her flask on some approaching monsters, trying not to get caught in those strands.]

I don't think we can do anything but try to clear them out! [She's helpful.]

[sky_shark]

If you set everything on fire you could bring the whole fucking place down!

[The amount of displeased in this room is high. His mana treck at least make him fast enough to avoid the strands, charging the monsters to work on knocking them back a bit with a vacuum blast]

I can keep them back if you lot can take them out at a distance, just don't get caught by whatever the hell is spinning those webs.

[fuhrinkaed]

Got it! Avoid the webs, get 'em from a distance.

Oh holy fire, let your light unmake these zombie hordes. Reduce them to ash. [He spins his staff forward, pointing it as a burst of holy fire bursts from it and fires forward at the nearest zombie.] Holy bolt!

[Luckily, being so short it seems that Ed is off of the immediate web list.]

Teyud! Susan! You guys have the height so be extra careful!

[shewhocompels]

[Slow and steady shots barked out. The first few were solid hits, but after that the recoil was starting to take a toll on her relatively fragile wrists. Fortunately, the targets were close together enough that it didn't matter.]

[suzinkazan]

[She luckily relents when it comes to fire, instead using electricity. They're so close together it's more mana efficient anyway, and as long as she avoids blasting the ones that are currently meleeing the party she doesn't have to worry.

...Although she does keep dropping down to avoid web.]

I DON'T LIKE THIS STUFF.

4

[fuhrinkaed]

[The tunnel of love has been quite a trip, but the swan boat ride hasn't proven too difficult for a team of versatile mage-pawns, a tanky rook, and a fighter of Teyud's skill. No, the first real roadblock the team comes to after dealing with the creepy spider turns out to be the wall with the instructions written on it: "NOW DO IT! ♥"]

Do... it?

[Sudden realization enters his mind.]

N-not it!

Re: 4

[suzinkazan]

Ed, what are you thinking of. [Not that she isn't thinking the same thing.]

I'm pretty sure it's not THAT!

[sky_sharkling]

[The tunnel hadn't been too bad, but then there's the wall with the words on it and for a moment Agito sort of wants to just turn around and walk back out.

'Agito, control, now.'

Thankfully his other half has a better idea, a hand lifting and sliding the eyepatch across, leaving the light in control]

Mm, dunno about that Ed-san. We might have a problem here if you say that. It should just be a kiss, I think. A carnival wouldn't go further than that when there could be kids around.

Teyud-san shouldn't have to, she's new to this kind of world, yeah? And don't ask Agito, he might actually murder you and I'm not sure I could stop him. Me, I don't mind, but it would feel weird because none of you are Ikki-kun. Wouldn't it make more sense since you and Susan-san know each other best?

[Is he prepared for Susan to hit him? Totally. He's a Rook, it'll be fine. He's also lying through his teeth because if it comes to that, he'll kiss someone. But this is an opportunity that should not be passed up!]

[shewhocompels]

[Teyud was getting pretty fed up with this by now, so she took a more direct approach. She grabbed Ed by the shoulders and bent down so she was absolutely sure he could hear her.]

Edward, your attraction to Susan is obvious to everyone in here but you, apparently. Every minute spent in this tunnel is a minute permanently removed from all our lives that could have been spent doing literally anything else.

[She spun him back around so he was facing Susan.]

The correct course of action stands right before you. Do not waste any more of our time. Kiss her before more of those shambling creatures catch up with us with intent to separate us from our vital fluids.

[fuhrinkaed]

[Wait what. His attraction to--]

REEEEEEEH?! [It's a much sharper sound than the usual 'weeh' noise he makes, as he turns bright red and looks left, right--anywhere but at Susan.]

Wha-I-I-I mean, she's a brilliant witch and she's really strong and talented and everything, but I-I mean I couldn't presume that I could do something like that even under duress I-I mean that's the sort of thing you do with someone wh-who likes you a lot and I couldn't I mean...

[Someone put him out of his misery.]

I-I-I-I mean even if we do kiss it's t-totally not like that or anything, right S-susan?!

[suzinkazan]

[Ed.

You're talking too much.

Have some tongue. And be glad the whole collar grabbing thing isn't being used to headbutt you again.]