Heavy thoughts breed sadness...

[twosidedsword]

Who: Shin-Ah And whoever comes across him
When: Days following the big announcement
Where: Various locations in Caissa
What: Shin-Ah hasn't been taking the news well and has been keeping to himself as a result. Hopefully others can help him feel better.
Rating: Likely no more than PG at most. PG-13 if someone with rough language comes along.

Shin-Ah hadn't felt this lost in a long time. His heart ached and he blamed himself for how many lives were lost. This wasn't his fault in the slightest but he couldn't stop himself from feeling this way. Like he'd let them down, like this really was his fault just because his Dragon Eyes no longer allowed him to see the same way.

So he'd been keeping to himself. Away from other people that he felt terrible for hurting even though he'd done no such thing to them.

It was so easy to place the fault on himself... To stare off into nothing, to not eat much, to sit in silence as the dark thoughts consumed him. He was just so scared that he wouldn't be able to stop another thing like this from happening. That there would be greater losses next time because he couldn't warn people about them.

It wasn't hard to come across him at places like the beach or the gardens. He'd be there hugging his knees and looking at nothing in particular, lost in his own thoughts. Sometimes he'd even be twisting the ring on his finger but otherwise he was keeping to himself. Much like he thought it might be better that way.

No one could ever hope to beat up Shin-Ah the way that he could to himself. At least he had a blue ball of fun next to him to give him comfort.

Comments

[sealeted]

Hakuno paused in the gardens when she saw a familiar shade of blue among the greenery. For a moment, she hesitated about interrupting him, but something about his posture seemed... lonely. As though leaving him to his relative solitude was the worst thing she could do. So, she changed her course and slowly walks over, Francis Xavier chittering curiously on top of her head.

"Excuse me?"

She stopped a foot or two away, smiling faintly down at him. "I don't think either of us thought to introduce ourselves, but you helped me out on the train a while ago. Thank you."

[twosidedsword]

Shin-Ah was pulled from his thoughts by someone speaking to him. Looking up, he recognized the girl he'd helped on the train. The one with the bow. It was true that they hadn't introduced themselves at the time. There hadn't really been time for that.

It was good that she was okay though.

He noted the squirrel too. The squirrel looked like a good friend.

"...Shin-Ah."

[sealeted]

Hakuno extended a hand, Francis Xavier creeping from er head to her shoulder for a closer look. "I'm Hakuno Kishinami. You looked like you should use some company. Is it alright if I sit down too?"

She didn't want to leave him alone, but she wouldn't force the poor guy either.

[twosidedsword]

"Mm." He looked at the hand at first before he remembered that was a greeting of something with people who met each other. It still wasn't one he understood but he took her hand when it was offered and even held onto it so he could help her down as well.

Not that she needed it but it was a nice thing to do.

[sealeted]

"Thanks." Hakuno settled down beside him, tucking her skirt under her thighs and letting her squirrel scamper down to her free hand. "Ah, this is Francis Xavier, by the way. He's a sweetheart." As long as you weren't named Nobunaga, apparently. Hakuno still didn't fully understand that strange enmity, and chose not to mention it.

"I'm guessing the news about the other train is what has you so down in the dumps?"

[twosidedsword]

Shin-Ah looked at the squirrel again then held up his hand to allow the carrier to sniff it. Ao, who normally was cheerful and outgoing, stayed at his side and didn't venture over. She wanted to make sure Shin-Ah was taken care of before she did anything else in the world apparently.

At the question, he hesitated then looked down. Nail on the head. That was exactly what had him down right now.

[sealeted]

"I see."

Hakuno idly watched Francis Xavier sniff at the offered hand, and then boldly scamper over his palm and up his arm, exploring this strange new man his Master seemed intent on cheering up. Her next words, however, seemed like a sudden change of subject if that really was her plan.

"Do you blame me, for their deaths? You think there's something I could have done?"

Halls of Glory?

[showsnopiety]

She had to take things easy, even as she healed up from her own, physical wounds. She'd been pushing herself too much. Too much work in Lasker. Too many people to see to.

Not enough time to make herself better.

And not enough time for Shin-Ah to make himself better either. He was too sensitive, by half. But she did not feel compelled to do anything at first, but after seeing him brood for the uptheeth time...

Caren came up to him, and made to tug him by the wrist.

"Shin-Ah. I need to show you something." A pause, as she walked back, trying to tug him up to his feet. "No, it isn't any affectionate gesture. Something else."

[twosidedsword]

For a change, he didn't even think to hide himself as she grabbed him. He looked up at her and recognized Caren then got to his feet so she could take him where she wished. He wasn't in the mood to resist really. Besides, if she wished to show him something then it must be important. Resisting could mean that something unfortunate might take place.

He'd hate for that to happen.

So at least she would find it wasn't hard to drag him wherever she pleased.

[showsnopiety]

She considered. There was the music room, and she could get him to sit on the piano bench with her but...no. Not yet. First to take care of basic needs, and possibly have something that would be useful for the future.

"We're going for a bit of a walk." She told him, before turning away, still tugging him. After all, they had to walk a ways, and if he tried to resist...that would be a problem.

[twosidedsword]

It was an odd sight to behold. The girl so much smaller than the boy. Still, he let her pull him along, Ao bouncing up to his shoulder so she'd be there with him as they moved to wherever Caren had plans of going in the first place.

...Where were they going though? A walk?

At least she didn't have to worry about him resisting.

[showsnopiety]

It looked as if she was pulling along a giant puppy along. A giant, sad blue puppy with a bonus puppy on his shoulder. But she didn't comment, or try to force the issue of talking. He wasn't much of a talker, and she wasn't very chatty either.

So they walked into Caissa, down the streets, making a few turns of here and there without looking back, until they found themselves in front of a small shop-which smelt of Ma Jing spices.

Though that might not be the only thing he noticed. There were tables and tables just filled with food.

And that was when Caren finally let him go. "This is called a buffet. You take a plate, fill it with food, and you take it back to the table. You can refill it as much as you like."

She motioned to the offering. "Eat."

[twosidedsword]

A...buffet. He'd never seen so much food all at the same time. Normally this would have had him so excited by today he just nodded and went about getting some food to eat. Some though. A plateful.

A large plateful because it was what he was used to eating.

Yet when they finally sat down again, he only ate a few bites before he started to pick at it in a distracted manner. In fact, Ao had eaten half of the food already herself. Where she was putting it was a mystery given her size and lack of mouth but there it went.

[pirateofjungby]

Shin-Ah wasn't a man who was easy to read, but when sharing a living space with someone, there were things you started to notice. He'd gone from being merely taciturn to acting like a hollow man, when he was there at all. Briggid didn't know if that was better or worse than having nerves jumping with rage.

She had never thought of herself as a comforting person, ad she couldn't think of good words for it anyway, so she mostly left him to it. But stalking along the beach, plotting quietly to herself one afternoon, she spotted Shin-Ah sitting and staring into the horizon.

She ought to say something about that, then. "So this is where you've been lurking."

[twosidedsword]

Hearing her voice, he looked over his shoulder. He blinked a couple of times then looked down. After a moment, he slowly nodded and gazed at the horizon again. Like there were answers waiting out there for him and he simply couldn't see them yet. But if he kept looking...

Shin-Ah knew there were no answers there. He knew but he kept looking.

"I...like the water."

[pirateofjungby]

"Me too."

Noble titles or not, it was the sea where she'd grown up. Though she knew exactly how dangerous and fickle it could be, she still got a sense of peace from gazing on it. Even on this mad world of steam power and strange wars, the ocean was the ocean.

"What's on your mind." Though she had a good guess.

[twosidedsword]

"Ah...mm..."

It wasn't that he didn't want to answer but more that he wasn't sure how to do so. Shin-Ah wasn't used to sharing his feelings yet. To explain why he was troubled. It wasn't an easy thing for him even after all this time spent with those who so openly supported him.

He looked down at the sands he was sitting on.

"People were hurt. I couldn't...stop it..."

[pirateofjungby]

Ah. Briggid nodded in understanding... the same question that had been plaguing her in the past few days. She took a seat on the sand as well, though pacing was more her nature.

"Seems none of us could," she said. She couldn't help but sound bitter about it. She'd dedicated her life to helping the poor and oppressed, and now to have not only failed that, but to have instead saved a man like Ryder... "It makes my blood boil, that we let hundreds of people die in favor of a rich tyrant."

[twosidedsword]

The odd thing was that he wasn't sad about the fact that the rich man had lived. Perhaps he wasn't a good person but he'd been a victim too. They'd saved him and so he was glad that they had managed that much. However, hundreds had perished and those lives were weighing so heavily on him.

But...she was upset. Reaching out, he gently touched her hand to offer her comfort. Yes he was suffering but in his eyes she needed someone to help her. To support her. To let her know that something was going to be okay. The least he could do was provide that much.

Gardens okay?

[sugegasa]

Shunsui had been keeping to himself as well. Wars always did that to him, and while back home he'd have absconded to a nice sunny garden with a bottle of sake to nap the afternoon away, today he came carrying only a book.

The sun was out, and there were several people scattered about enjoying it. Shunsui was approaching a somewhat secluded rosebush when he glanced around and noticed Shin-Ah sitting at that far edge of the garden.

He looked fairly rough. Shunsui's heart immediately constricted, and he wished he were somehow able to lessen the poor kid's suffering. But all he he could do was approach, slowly so as not to startle him.

"Are you all right, son?"

The term came out before he could stop it, but he didn't regret it. Instead, shook his head a little before gesturing to the space beside the young man.

"Would you mind if I joined you?"

[twosidedsword]

Hearing someone approaching, he looked up and saw Shunsui. At the question, he looked down and away, not sure how to answer. He wasn't okay. That was all there was to it.

Then the second question came and he nodded, even scooting over a little to give the man more room to join him.

Company was okay. He didn't mind.

[sugegasa]

Shunsui knew. He was happy the younger man didn't seem bothered by his presence, and sat down as easily as he could, offering his bottle of water to Shin-Ah.

"It won't help the bigger issues, but staying hydrated will at least help you feel a bit better physically."

[twosidedsword]

Looking at the bottle, he nodded his thanks before taking it. Once it was in his hand he poured a small amount into his hand and lowered it down to his carrier who rolled onto it to seemingly absorb it. Even in his worst moments, his first instinct was to take care of others long before he took care of himself and he was certain that Ao would need the drink more than him.

This was likely not what Shunsui was going for but there it was for the man to see. The pure kindness of Shin-Ah's heart.

[sugegasa]

No, it hadn't been exactly what he was going for, but it was nice to see all the same. And something that didn't surprise him in the slightest. Shunsui reached out a hand to pet Ao, and then moved it to Shin-Ah's shoulder where he rested it at lightly as he could.

"I'm here if you need to talk, Shin-Ah. I won't presume to know what's bothering you, but if it's what happened on the train...it bothers me too. Any man it doesn't bother isn't much of a man."

[twosidedsword]

Shin-Ah looked at the man next to him as he spoke then looked down again. He looked at Ao who was lingering so close to him, worried about him. She was doing her best for him despite not being able to do much at all. Now Shunsui was doing the same.

He looked at the plants around them then slowly gave a nod. Yes, this was about the refugees. About all the people who had died. About...about how he'd failed them.