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open | Caps, subject headers are your friend.
Who: Kain and various and sundry other people who exist, I guess.
When: 7/26, though I like to think of it more as 'ambiguously timed'
Where: The majestic outskirts of Lasker.
What: Gratuitous train adventures.
Rating: I'm still the worst at giving shit a rating. I'll adjust accordingly, but it'll probably have the standard PG13 'not entirely wholesome but still vaguely wholesome' bent to it.
In which they get lost at some point:
[Two hours ago there had been a conversation which led to them marking a tree, in some deliberate and hard to ignore fashion - an X carved into it, paint, whatever - after the subject of them possibly going in circles had been raised. Two hours later, whoever had implied it turned out to be right. They were standing there. Staring at the tree. Probably bleakly given the two hours in which they had gone in a gigantic circle, but who knows. Maybe someone was fucking thrilled by it.
Kain was resigned as he stared at whatever deliberate mark they had made.]
What now?
[Obviously they keep on walking so it's kind of a rhetorical question, kind of not because they just made a giant circle and if they had a map it was lost in some hilarious yet tragic fashion, like the river took it.]
Because I couldn't figure out a way to work this into the train log:
Hold this. [And without further preamble the small and pampered (up until recently, at least, the last few days were harrowing) Pomeranian that was literally dogging Kain's steps and getting in the way of them searching the boxcars was handed to whoever he was talking to.
The dog seemed thrilled by the attention. Woof. (The dog was Saint von Andeloga the Third, owned by a Lasker merchant called who may or may not have nagged the heroes until they promised to go look for the pup. They may or may not know this.)]
Obligatory escort mission:
[And then he asked the most ominous of questions, the sort of question that led to awkward situations typically involving not dying.]
Do you hear that?
[It's either the sniffling of small children or they've got some people they're shepherding and it's the prelude to a bunch of bandits demanding their GP or their HP, so to speak.]
When: 7/26, though I like to think of it more as 'ambiguously timed'
Where: The majestic outskirts of Lasker.
What: Gratuitous train adventures.
Rating: I'm still the worst at giving shit a rating. I'll adjust accordingly, but it'll probably have the standard PG13 'not entirely wholesome but still vaguely wholesome' bent to it.
In which they get lost at some point:
[Two hours ago there had been a conversation which led to them marking a tree, in some deliberate and hard to ignore fashion - an X carved into it, paint, whatever - after the subject of them possibly going in circles had been raised. Two hours later, whoever had implied it turned out to be right. They were standing there. Staring at the tree. Probably bleakly given the two hours in which they had gone in a gigantic circle, but who knows. Maybe someone was fucking thrilled by it.
Kain was resigned as he stared at whatever deliberate mark they had made.]
What now?
[Obviously they keep on walking so it's kind of a rhetorical question, kind of not because they just made a giant circle and if they had a map it was lost in some hilarious yet tragic fashion, like the river took it.]
Because I couldn't figure out a way to work this into the train log:
Hold this. [And without further preamble the small and pampered (up until recently, at least, the last few days were harrowing) Pomeranian that was literally dogging Kain's steps and getting in the way of them searching the boxcars was handed to whoever he was talking to.
The dog seemed thrilled by the attention. Woof. (The dog was Saint von Andeloga the Third, owned by a Lasker merchant called who may or may not have nagged the heroes until they promised to go look for the pup. They may or may not know this.)]
Obligatory escort mission:
[And then he asked the most ominous of questions, the sort of question that led to awkward situations typically involving not dying.]
Do you hear that?
[It's either the sniffling of small children or they've got some people they're shepherding and it's the prelude to a bunch of bandits demanding their GP or their HP, so to speak.]
uwaahhh....... the top drg... escort mission!
Aye. [ Apart from the lance (and his... icons...) Estinien doesn't look much like a dragoon—there's only so much he could do for his appearance; which was a moot point to even consider, because he couldn't be bothered to do much more than find somewhat adequate clothing to serve in combat. ] It's the sound of someone attempting to make no noise whatsoever.
[ And, obviously, failing to do so. ]
In this case, let us hope that they're simply shy.
[ Ishgardian kids usually aren't. They throw snowballs at outsiders. ]
If manpain was weaponized between the two of them they could end the war.
His carrier, which he wanted to talk about even less, was a two foot tall robotic chocobo clanking after them. They probably had a conversation about that, or, if they didn’t have a conversation, would have a conversation about that after they dealt with the noise. Which, speaking of, that extremely accurate observation got a noise in turn from Kain. It sounded like an extremely resigned bastard child of a sigh and a hn.]
I find it unlikely we would be that fortunate.
[And sure enough, there was some sinister chuckling from the woods. As if they were villains from a bad play, some appropriately scruffy men emerged from the darkness. One of them was obviously the leader, as he was larger and had bad hygiene.
The leader- leader needs a name, so he can be Havasi. Havasi sneers the two heroes, twirling a knife in a fashion which was clearly supposed to be intimidating. “I don’t suppose you two fine dandy-folk know where you are, but this here’s the territory of the Blue Sword Gang.”
The Blue Swords all sneer and do the generic 'here here' nonsense. There’s five of them. (Kain has, meanwhile, gone from hn to SIGH at this point, veiled by a thin veneer of flat neutrality, though he's five minutes away from just spitting out some threat of his own and getting to work. It's hard to take this seriously on multiple levels.)
“And since you’re new here I figure you don’t know the rules and all, but-“
This would go on with the formalities - threats, a fight - but that was when a boxcar tumbled from a tree not that far from there and distracted everyone with a large, metallic, booming crash.]
it's true, someone needs to get on that
Look, he can name them too—grunt one, grunt two, bad teeth grunt... wait, more importantly: ]
Blue Sword Gang? [ ...that chocobo is a monstrosity, and he has to pause to consider it as such. He didn't think it could get much worse than the slobbery dragon he was gifted. ] Then why are you wielding a kni—
[ Okay, he's surprised. But now the Blue Lance Gang has something more important going on, and Estinien's dropping his lance into his hand. ]
How that got up there is beyond me, but the timing was nigh impeccable.
[ He's steady, but the other gang sure isn't. Looks like they didn't expect some giant metal horror of craftsmanship to fall out of a tree. Though it's not like Estinien himself is used to it, either. ]
I want you to know I stared at your tag, THEN stared at mine, and went, "wtf was I doing"
[Because gift chocobos, beaks. Sometimes what you needed to do was worry about fighting a badly named band of bandits. Sometimes you didn’t have the time to question how large that chunk of metal was or how it ended up way up there.
However...every puzzle a solution. Riddles have answers. It wasn’t a properly whole boxcar, only a decently large chunk of one: at first glance (much like personality sections) it appeared to be one, but upon further investigation (which Kain wasn’t doing because they’re going to be doing something dashingly heroic) it would be quickly revealed it is but a portion of it. And what happened was a very violent explosion, a rock, and ricochet. Which is a pointless digression, but mystery solved. They’ll likely find the rest of the grim tale embedded in trees about them once they looked.
But that? That was later. For now it was the Blue Swords. (Why.)]
Let’s get this over with. [It’s not the weirdest shit he’s seen. (Meanwhile, one of the grunts - bad teeth grunt - is saying something like, “Smoke and piss, boss, those uniforms! They’re those heroes-...!”) Dashingly heroic nonsense time.]
IT WAS REALLY CUTE THOUGH
So, anyway, that clearly means it's time to fight and watch for screeching shadows of oncoming traffic; he's a fighter more than a questioner.
He's already sized up his target—grunt number two, standing close enough to grunt number one that he's actually aiming for the both of them—and without a word he's charging them. While it seems reckless, he knows what he's doing, and the two of them are still far too stunned over the suddenly rain of metal and who their new opponents are to do much against him. Number two manages to squeak out something that Estinien assumes is a weak curse, but then he's there with his lance up—
They're lucky he's in a good mood, and landing on their heads out like a light is the worst he'll do to them for the moment. He's spinning around to check on the rest of them, readying himself. ]
Don't encourage me.
Estinien went in one direction; Kain lunged in another. He also had a target picked out. The bandit Kain was aiming for was grotesquely thuggish, almost to the point of parody. If circumstances were different Kain would ask him if that had been intentional. But circumstances being what they were he just allowed himself a faint smirk at the sight. The bandit snarled out some curse, but it came out as more of an inarticulate snarl than it did words.
The bandit had an axe but was wielding it with the same grace that lesser men had when wielding their penises whilst trying to write cursive in the snow, and Kain gave it the same amount of attention as well as concern as he would to that: not much. The bandit ineffectually lashed out with his axe. Kain returned the favor by doing some cool shit with his spear that left the guy on the ground, clutching his stomach and/or his crotch, and crying really hard.
The rest of the gang of thieves paused in their attempt to fight the dragoons as they suddenly were going, “Oh fuck, we’re- fuck. They're pretty go- fuck.” There was a group recoil, punctuated by the sound of a bit of metal tumbling from the top of a tree to the bottom and scaring off a deer thirty feet to their right.]
We’re really busy and don’t have time for this.
[This is kind of embarrassing, really. And in a moment or two another chunk of boxcar would fall and they’d scatter, but that would be in a moment.]
:>
He jabs the nearest fallen, crying thug (who isn't grabbing his crotch and howling obscenities) with the butt of his lance. ]
If you've got any information I'd consider valuable, speak up now before we unleash the chocobo [ ??? he thinks it's a chocobo anyway. ] upon you to feast on your—
[ On his what is going to remain a mystery until the end of time, as this is suddenly when Kain's Boxcar would continue it's rain of terror... by raining down on them again. Despite only being one piece.
Part of it lands near Estinien, onto the leg of his intended interrogation target, who immediately starts to howl obscenities. Probably because he couldn't get up and run with the rest of them. Also probably because his leg was crushed. Maybe it's not a good idea to stay here??
...Estinien's just going to shrug at the other dragoon. ]
:/
[He returned the shrug. Kain then looked up, and then over, like he was just merely checking the weather. “Oh, there’s a cloud over there,” and the like. Except he was checking for large metal bits (as they had to come from somewhere unless something was fluttering above, dropping them upon their heads) and it did take a moment because while his eyesight was good (because imagine having bad eyesight and bad aim when dropping down from above) there was a thing called branches above them.
…okay, he could see a few more chunks and so, if but reluctantly, he’s nodding his head back from whence they came. Not too far, but take a few steps out of the danger zone to evaluate the situation lest they get beaned on the head by metal while they banter and discuss things.
Weeniefart McThugtaggert was rolling on the ground crying. Kain ignored him.]
The quickest way to find survivors may be to interrogate these thugs - if they’re wandering the woods they may have found some.
[…]
And if I wonder if it is truly meant to be a chocobo, truth be told.
[Priorities.]
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Hm. [ Ishgard supplies Eorzea with chocobo, so there's probably chocobo merchandise everywhere... ] At the least, it looks like a very shiny toy chocobo.
[ Estinien's "kindly" shoving the metal off of the weenie's leg, ignoring the wet squelch and subsequent screaming. Broken. Probably in a bunch of places. And while he doesn't really enjoy interrogation, injuries like this might mean looser lips. If he were in his place, he'd want to talk as quickly as possible, anyway. ]
I'll be taking this one.
[ He's unceremoniously grabbing the thug by the back of his collar and (at least somewhat gingerly) dragging him backwards, out of the danger zone. ]
But now that I talked to you I can give you casual shit.
But, necessary evils: Kain could've let him walk out but then he might try something stupid...again, and why have that.]
I'll take mine. [And the other dragoon does have a good idea there, so sure, he's dragging out his by the collar. His chocobo follows, and goes wark with a decisive buzz.] You do have a point, though. About the bird. [This is probably insulting to the thugs because they're talking about wildlife while dragging them out.]
I once encountered one which was much as you put it - a shiny toy. A...large shiny toy. [And while his tone didn't change much, the pause implied that it was a fucking huge shiny toy.] The two do have similarities now you make me think of it.
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Large? [ ...he's pausing for a moment. ] I don't want to know, actually. Let us just be glad that yours is—
[ He's interrupted by two barking noises; one of pain, as he drags the thug over a large rock, jostling him, and one of excitement from a small dragon that's now bounding up to them, tongue lolling out like it should be drooling like a dog. Actually, it's acting more like a dog than a dragon.
And now it's eating the rock beneath the thug, eliciting yet another sound of pain. Estinien's giving it a quick, annoyed look. ]
I left you behind for a reason.
[ That reason is just that he didn't want to be around it. ]
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...there’s really no polite nouns for this. Thug two was too busy trying to not cry like a weenie.] Three times, in fact. On the third I returned to find it had slipped out in search of me, and found memorabilia instead.
[He’s just going to give the thugs a moment to catch their breath and be a bit more lucid before demanding answers. In the background a small piece of metal bounces off a branch, a second branch, and then thunks to the ground. It just gets a glance.]
And believe me, returning what it had taken was disagreeable enough I learned my lesson. I gave up on assuming it would stay still after that.
no subject
We are doomed to be shadowed by these things forever? [ He's sighing. Thug is crying. In the future, someone's dying. By now the bandits have realised how low they are on the dragoon priority list, probably. ] Pity.
[ He's jabbing his (victim??) thug with his lance. At least he isn't hitting in the leg. Yet. ]
Have you prepared yourself to speak, yet? [ A stuttering response, but a positive one. ] Good. Start talking.
1/3
It's a crude, base story, the story of a crude, base man who joined a...you guessed it, crude, base gang filled with thieves and thugs. He talks about their operation in brief, talking about- and the other thug whimpers out, "Don't tell 'em-" but then the sight of the spear butt (or perhaps the animals, the things) caused him to whimper and shut up.
It's a sad story. Especially their tactics. Especially since they were led by a brilliant, talented leader who unexpectedly died two months prior and after that the spark was gone. Gone. Once they were-]
2/3
[Seriously, they weren't there to make friends.]
3/3
...]
Shall we?
[This was to Estinien.]
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He's incredibly thankful that the sob story was cut short. ]
Aye, we shall.
[ He looks down at the thugs, head tilted. Okay, he won't kill them. They answered, they're in no position to fight back. He'll leave them for someone else. And without another word, he's whistling to his carrier and stepping over the crushed leg thug before making off in the direction pointed out by the gang. ]
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You've been in this sort of situation before?
[They've got a few moments of small talk before they rescue the locals, so why not talk a bit. He might even admit that the world saw fit to shove him into a more bardic role.]
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Somewhat. I've dealt with her... No. [ "Heretics" is on the tip of his tongue, but he stops. He's not sure what else to call them, and the ones who drank dragon blood were... beyond what he could agree with, but. ] Extremists, I could call them. To their credit, most of mine didn't give after accidental leg crushing.
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I see. [Extremists narrowed down the possibilities, though not quite to the point in which he could rule out malevolent lagomorphs, however, it rested in the sphere of things that he decided-] My experiences are much the same. Resisting to the end.
[Except thinking about it, he had been the enemy in most of his recent encounters of that kind, with Cecil the hero trying to defeat him, the extremist who held Rosa hostage, and this hit a bit close to home. But, there, with a frown-]
There. [There be a shit ton o' bandits over there, providing a nice distraction.]
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These ones look like they won't cry so easily.
[ If only he was sadistic enough to want to make his foes cry before him................ well, maybe he wants it a little. He's a little sadistic, apparently. ]
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[…what.]
It’s not as satisfying if they cried as easily as the first.
[And he hefted his weapon and...then they had a frightfully badass fight and rescued civilians and then got drunk later while questioning Teddy and the war?]
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