pawnstorm | [Open] The Mapo Tofu affair

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[Open] The Mapo Tofu affair

Who: Everyone! If you can smell it, you can find it!
When: 6/8-610
Where: Hall of Glory Parlour in Caissa
What: Caren found out she can make mapo tofu and is sharing with everyone. Heaven help us all.
Rating: So far none but will change when things happen.

THe Halls of Glory smell a little different today. Instead of the usual fare that the others might know from the weekly menu, there's a different scent. Something that may remind heroes of Airy, Ma Jiang dishes, or maybe, more simply, of home.

This was the result of Caren's cooking and some hunting on her part. And the results may be quite appealing. There are pots of rice, still steaming, and various bowls filled with the result known as mapo tofu. Some of them are spicer then others, and she hasn't seen fit to label which are very spicy, and which are quite mild. The only thing she has labelled, with a rim of green around the bowls, are the vegan variations, for those who can't, or do not, eat meat or meat by products.

Consider it a game of spice roulette. Because there are other bowls as well, with crushed cucumber-hot pepper salad, spicy tofu, and something that has spewed spinach and garlicy noodles within. But hey! You may be able to cool off with one of the pots of tea around the place-or with one of the rare tubs of ice cream of various flavors, kept chilled with an icy spell.

The cutlery and bowls are disposable, and there are trashbags to clean up after yourself. She's not going to do it for you!

But hey. Who can say no to free food?

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[She doesn't need a vocal answer at all. At this rate, she needs to get him an actual bowl so she can feed him or something of that sort. But hearing what he has to say...well.

She doesn't think she's heard him speak so much at once. She blinks, surprised, before becoming thoughtful.]

I think I might go with the chili paste. I do have red pepper flakes, but it doesn't work with this batch, I think.

[She considers him for a moment.]

Did you cook often in your home world?

[ Do it, though... And he'll still have room for two or three after that. Hey, at least people like Setsuna guarantees that no food will end up wasted. ]

Do you need any help?

[ He doesn't mind lending her a hand... She seems to be preparing a lot. And with Caren's latter question, he nods a little. ]

I had to learn to survive. And even after meeting my comrades, we took turns in the kitchen.

[Yup. She's counting on Setsuna, Vietnam, and others to make sure she isn't eating all of the leftovers for weeks on end. Or make the cook mad and ban her from the kitchen.

The offer though, surprises her, and she pauses, as if expecting a punchline for a joke. Her shoulders lift in a shrug.]

If you would like to, I won't stop you. It's not difficult, just time consuming.

[That's...kind of a yes. She's not used to getting helped out with things, sorry Setsuna.]

So you fought alone for a time, and then...was part of a group? Tell me if I'm wrong. There are so many world variables that it's difficult to guess.

And I know little about you.

[ It's okay, Caren... Setsuna understands all too well. He nods to her response, acknowledging that she's fine with the idea. So, ]

I will assist you with what I am fastest at.

[ What would that be? She'll see eventually. He walks to the counter as he finishes the rest of his milk, then waits for her to follow him so they can get started together.

Though, Caren's latest comment does silence him. Setsuna doesn't want to say anything about it, as he does it on purpose. He doesn't say anything much about himself at all. So it isn't just her; no one apart from those from his world truly knows him.

But for Caren's sake, he'll at least answer somehow. ]

Yes... And I apologize.

[ That he can't say anything about himself at all. ]

[What he's fastest at? She assumes he means chopping. Since the batch that needed a quick taste test needs to simmer for a bit, she follows him to where the rest of the ingredients wait.

Though...there is something in the silence, and she is a little bemused by it. So she managed to trip him up a little? How interesting.]

I see.

[She holds a hand up though, waving off his apology.]

There's no need to apologize Setsuna. We don't know each other, and you have no reason to trust me. That might have been the best route for you.

[ Caren's guess is right. Setsuna confirms that one for her once he picks up a knife. Though, his earlier silence isn't because of being thrown off or anything like that. Actually, it wasn't about him at all. He became wordless precisely because he won't be able to convey anything to her at all.

Setsuna doesn't want to make it seem like he can't trust his comrades here, yet he really can't speak much of himself. It's a little difficult. He shakes his head, not wanting her to get the wrong idea. ]

No, I do have a reason to trust you. And while it may be best route for me, but it is also the same for you.

[ His distance isn't self-imposed alone. There are many reasons tied to it. However, more than himself, the reasons are stronger when it came to the others...

He looks away for a moment, though eventually starts working on chopping the ingredients. As he knows the recipe to this dish, he doesn't need an instruction on what to do. ]

[Somehow, not surprised that he goes for the knife. But she's not going to be quibbling about the details. She will at least try to listen when he says something.]

I would have to politely disagree. What you see is not always the truth in its entirety.

[She doesn't touch him. But she does watch him intently, if only to be certain he won't hurt himself.

...maybe there's a way to use a penny ante spell to keep someone from being harmed but...that's another time.]

But I can not say I understand. But I will respect it.

[ Since these ingredients have been laid out so well, Setsuna deducts that Caren plans to use each and every one of them. As most likely expected from someone who became a Knight, his skills with the blade shines even in such a lighthearted context of a kitchen. Fast, accurate, and clean... The ingredients are being chopped so nicely in just a matter of seconds. He keeps himself busy there, listening to her as he works. ]

I know.

[ He clarifies that he isn't that naive. That isn't what he meant, innocently trusting someone. He really does have a good reason to trust her. He of all people would know that blind trust will only endanger those who engage in it... ]

Caren Ortensia. I am willing to trust you, precisely because we are in a world like this.

[ Because in a world like this... Tossed into the unknown, not knowing their standing except this title called "Hero," the only real comrades they can secure are those who can relate. Those in the same footing. Right now, whether they like it or not, they've been lumped together as Heroes in a world they can't recognize. Rather than trust a local that would most likely turn their tail on them, he would rather trust a fellow Hero. ]

And I thank you... I apologize that I cannot explain.

[ Maybe one day, Caren will come to understand why. Setsuna is fine either way, to not being understood over it. What's more important is that he comes to understand those around him. That's always been his goal. But such a goal will require time... ]

[She is, a little at a time. She'll wait for him to finish what he's started with, before taking up the ingredients to work with. Thankfully, this is a recipe where they can trade off of each other. She'll do her part with the cornstrach and water mixture, before putting that aside and heating up the wok.

They aren't a bad team.

Still, she doesn't know what to make of him. His reason for trusting her would be a sane, practical one that she can accept. It's not a matter of feelings and yammering about honor or some sort of nonsense. Survival. That is something she can easily understand.]

It's fine. We all have matters that we can not explain easily. However...I do wonder one thing.

[Her voice becomes a low caress as she adds oil to the pan.]

Setsuna. Do you think, had we met under different circumstances, in a different world...you would have already killed me?

[ More than anything else, living on is most important to someone like Setsuna. He has a role to fulfill at home, and until he's able to complete it, he can't allow himself to die. He doesn't necessarily think he deserves to live on, he thinks otherwise if he were to speak his mind. But as long as he's carrying the hopes and feelings of those who have aided him in the past, people who sacrificed themselves for his sake... He can't throw his life away. To respect and honor their wishes, he must live.

Setsuna doesn't stop chopping ingredients even after Caren asks him such an unexpected, shocking question. At most, his eyes widen gently, but he doesn't allow it to overtake him. Why did she ask such a thing? He has to wonder now, maybe she feels the same as him... As while he believes his life isn't worth anything, others disagree; he's been given a purpose and a meaning because of the people that learned to believe in him. But he can't tell, as he too doesn't know much about her. Is it guilt? Is it emptiness? Is it duty? Is it faith? There are countless possibilities, so he doesn't want to assume.

But for some reason, he feels saddened. Even so, he doesn't want to lie to her. ]

I do not know. I might have, I might not have.

[ Because he doesn't know her... He doesn't know. But he can't lie; the possibility does exist. If she gave him reasons to raise his blade against her, he would pull through it without question or hesitation. ]

[She doesn't know what his role is supposed to be. She doesn't know anything about him. He says that here he has to by the very nature of this place, trust her-but if circumstances were different, she'd be killed.

If nothing else, she is glad for his honesty. Even if there are others who would not consider the possibility, and those who wouldn't dare ask such a rude thing...she has no such barrier. If she respects certain social rules, it's because it's easier for her. Not a sense of ethics or morality.

Just blending in as she assesses the stakes of the long game.]

Thank you for your honesty.

[She holds her hand briefly above the wok she is working with. Satisfied, she tips in ground pork, and meat starts to sizzle, offering a pleasing aroma into the air.]

And for your swiftness. I know there are some who would be uncertain as to how to answer.

[She's worthless, but...still. She approves of his certainty when it comes to his will. It'll be useful in the times ahead.]

[ Although Setsuna barely has any skills unrelated to battles, he's able to make it through life because of that very strong will. He doesn't hesitate or stop, because he has something that will always drive him forward no matter what happens. As long as he doesn't forget it, he will never be brought down.

Setsuna has nothing weighing him down right now. But he would be lying if he said nothing scares him. Of course even someone like him has worries of his own. Though as much as possible, he'll never anyone or anything to ever affect him more than necessary. He's already used to this. ]

Would it be out of my bounds if I were to ask?

[ Although Setsuna keeps himself at a distance, it doesn't necessarily mean that he's pushing everyone away. He only keeps enough distance so nothing would become personal, so he can always remain himself. He still knows how to extend his hand to others, in order to aid them and especially.... to understand them. This is something that is highly important to him. ]

[She wonders what that something else. The spark that keeps him dragging one step in front of the other. It makes her wonder if he is merely quiet, or numb. Or something else all together.

It's hard questions like these that show the hand of the person that answers.]

Not at all.

[She says it calmly enough, her eyes flicking his way for a moment. And even as she starts to throw everything together, she gives him the weight of her attention. It's fair, she supposes, if he wants to understand her.

Few people did. Or even tried. It was always their way.]

I could lie or make up a story about the matter. But honestly, there may come a time where I need to be stopped. Where I can be stopped, before my actions result in something worst for everyone.

You can say I like having backup plans. And backups for backups.

[If Gilgamesh can't or won't for one reason or another, perhaps Setsuna will.]

[ When Caren directs her gaze at him, Setsuna responds by looking back at her. As she finishes up the current batch, he wordlessly hands her the last remaining condiments and toppings without being asked to pass them over. And as she focuses on him, he decides to momentarily stop his hands in favor of paying attention to her.

Caren said that she needs to be stopped? Why? If she's aware of her immoral deeds, why doesn't she stop herself? Is it something out of her own control? Well, Setsuna can understand that... He's met people like that. And to be reminded of it, his eyes look away from hers. Those eyes of his partly close, dimming as he recalls unpleasant memories. But he remains unchanged, still with that same blank face he shows to everyone. ]

I see. If that is the case, I will stop you if I truly see a need for it.

[ And that's without question. Even if means harming her in the process, he will do everything he can. If it's to protect her and those around them, he has no reason to hesitate. He would rather not completely end her, but if it's ever necessary...

He won't ever let her ruin herself. It doesn't matter what others think of him. He will pull through what others hesitate to do. He won't act tough or pretend to be, he is simply continuing what he has always done. ]

[She takes the condiments and toppings, though she saves the toppings for when she's done. It's not ready for it yet.

But mostly she does know she could go too far. So it is as she said, she may need to be stopped if she goes too far. Even if it means someone has her blood on their hands. It'll ensure that if she is bringing them towards destruction, that she'll be stopped.]

Good.

[It's something. She thought that he might, and would do it if it came down to it, even if it hurt him. It wasn't the first time that he had to kill someone after all.]

And thank you.

[Since...well, she won't be saying that if he's in her way at the time. She might say something outright rude even.]

[ While the rest of the cooking process is done, Setsuna picks up a serving bowl for the next batch to be placed in eventually. He sets it somewhere it won't get in the way, but be close enough to be convenient.

It's really strange to be thanked for something like this... It's the first time that someone acknowledged their faults to his face, too. He's always been shunned and been yelled at for being like this, pointing out what was wrong and actually acting upon it — even if they knew he was only doing what must be done, they couldn't help but blame him because of the pain. Nobody wants to be hurt, even if they're aware that they're wrong.

But Caren seems to be different. Setsuna doesn't really know how to react to gratefulness in related to his acts of hurting others. ]

Why can you not stop yourself?

[ Caren's able to acknowledge her own fault. If she can do that much, what's preventing her from pulling through the rest? Setsuna usually doesn't want to ask personal questions, but this is bothering him. If he's going to be the one to hurt her in the end... he wants to hear her story, at least. He doesn't want to make the wrong decision. ]

[She's going to be serving him first. She can see that. And while everything is coming together and simmering, she'll see to cleaning things up. The knife, the cutting board are cleaned up in the sink and put back to their respective places.

But...well. when it comes down to it, she's known her flaws for a long, long time. She's had time to reflect and come to the logical conclusion. There's no reason to stop him from doing what has to be done-even if it means that someone has to die.

Even if she has to die.]

I know what I am.

[It's a very simple explanation, and to those who knew her would know. But no one did. Her servant, his liege lord, might understand her the best, if he wanted to.]

I may be able to cooperate for a time, for the logical conclusion of my own survival. But watching people brought down low, suffer and despair...it breaks through the numbness.

It makes me too happy.

[ Numbness? Seeing others in pain makes her happy? What happened to Caren for such a thing to occur within her? Setsuna knew people like that as well. He wanted to reach out to them and help them... He couldn't though; and to this day, he regrets being unable to. Having another situation like this right beside him now... It makes his chest feel tight. His hands close, gripping nothing in particular as he stares at his feet.

Will he fail to help Caren, too? Will he really have to resort to killing all over again? No, it's too early to decide on anything. As long as he has a chance, to see her living and breathing like this, he'll do what he can to stop her no matter what. What happens in the long run doesn't matter for now. He just needs to do his best.

But this topic... ]

What does happiness really mean?

[ Setsuna himself doesn't really know. As someone who is probably just as messed up as Caren... He doesn't know what defines true happiness. It's always different for everyone. Sometimes, there are people who do enjoy trampling upon others to achieve theirs... But is that really happiness? It can't be, when they have to resort to destroying something else for their own personal gain. It's things like that which can lead to conflict, such as war. ]

[She couldn't be saved. She knew that and accepted it a long time ago. Setsuna wouldn't be the first nor the last to hope for a better future for this young woman. Whether it meant that he would be trapped, killed himself or worse, they would have to see.

They might fail each other in the end.]

Hm...it's a rather subjective opinion.

[She moves away, to another part of the counter. There, she had something that had been warming up; but with a quick test, she had seen it had softened.

She took a few moments, before coming back with a bowl of ice cream, and offered it to him.]

But for me, it is sensation. I can feel something. Triumph, at times, noise and clamour, and with it the realization that I am alive. I am aware, and engaged.

It's difficult to pay attention, and not think "it's boring". Happiness is "not boring".

[ Should Caren voice that out, Setsuna would've disagreed. Because nothing is set yet. Because they're facing each other right now, talking... Because the two of them are alive. No one can really tell what will happen in the future. He doesn't believe in a sealed fate. No one can tell him what to do, what to believe in. He'll choose all of that himself, no matter who he has to fight to achieve his goals.

As long as they're alive... They can still try. As long as he can lift himself and stand, he will never stop trying. This is how he's always survived through his own home world. Otherwise, he long would've been killed...

But as he's oblivious to her thoughts too, he simply continues to listen. ]

I see...

[ Sensation is happiness for Caren. Doesn't that include emotion, too? He wonders again, wondering how it's really like to feel such things. He's long ago shut that part away... Again, so he could survive. ]

Then, I hope that one day you shall find your own real happiness too.

[ There's so many of them here who has yet to feel that as well. Himself included. He believes that there's a greater form of happiness... Something that can't be explained or imagined until they encounter it for themselves.

Maybe Caren just hasn't really found it yet. ]

[He wasn't the only one of that mindset. She thought it was...cute. If she could have been saved, it should have happened before she turned into the thing she is today. But she wouldn't tell Setsuna what to believe. He was what he was. She might be his ruin too, in the end.

After all, she offered him something precious: her death. So in exchange she accepts all of what he is, without so much as a moment of judgement. Confusion, perhaps, but that was normal for her. She was experiencing that more and more as she spent time with more and more kindness.]

Setsuna...

[She looks at him for a moment. Just looks at him, before reaching out to press a hand where his heart should be beating under his clothes.]

That may be the day you need to kill me. My happiness is rooted in others peoples misery.

[She makes to drop her hand, and move away from him, to give him a moment and to check on the tofu. It's the truth. She doesn't know how to be happy like normal people. She's known that for a long time.

(That's why one day she may need to be stopped).]

What?

[ That doesn't make any sense... First Caren tells him that she's happiest when seeing misery around her, but now she's telling him that she'll be happiest when she finally dies. When that side of her is stopped... But if she's so happy like that, why would she tell others about it? Why do she want them to stop her? Why is she so concerned with it, if she's really a terrible person...

Setsuna feels really confused, too. He doesn't get it... But this only makes him more determined than ever. No, he won't hesitate to kill her if that's really what's necessary. He's given his word and he will keep it. However, he won't resort to that if there's really a chance to save her. Even the smallest chance to do so. Because if she can still tell others to stop her, someone who is completely terrible wouldn't do such a thing... What is the point?

As someone who lacks a proper grasp of emotions himself, he's finding this very complicated. But he didn't want to give up. He'll do his best, because at this point he already considers her as a proper comrade. As she moves away from him, he watches her back side. It reminds him of his comrades from home... A situation similar to this. ]

I will still hope for it, either way. If you will not do it, then I will.

[There likely be a lot going on then. Not just blood and gore, but despair, the lack of hope. Defeat. And she would be there and laughing, relishing it all the while.

But people here are so hopeful. It's difficult to drag them down to their knees in such a fashion. And hoping for her to be saved...she didn't think it was possible. She was never meant to be saved.

It was better this way. But her own grasp of emotions were flimsy at best, something she observed but not experience fully for herself. It's something for someone else.]

If I'm enjoying the misery that I caused, I'll be making things worse. Who knows? I might have tortured you family and your friends. Just because I could. That's why that day, I need to die.

[She says it so calmly, detached from herself that it's as if it doesn't matter. But...well.]

You're allowed to hope. I won't stop you. But some things do stay true to their nature.

[A quick taste, and she scoops out his meal into the bowl he had out before. A sprinkling of green onions, and it's done.]

Here. It's done.

Why?

[ "Just because she could?" Is that a real reason? Is Caren's existence really that empty? She really has no other reason for it? Setsuna wants to know... He wants to understand what is it that made her this way. Even if not necessarily for her sake, but for others he will meet in the future. What if he meets another person like Caren? He's met people similar to her in the past, and yet... he was unable to save them. He doesn't want this to keep on repeating. If he could do something...

Though, Setsuna shortly realizes that he's questioning something very personal. He recalls his position, and how he's not important to her at all... He shouldn't be doing this. So he shortly shakes his head, then was about to turn away— ... But she shortly offers the finished meal to him, causing him to stop in place. He stares at it quietly, wondering how someone like Caren could still bother to feed others like this. He wonders if she's just doing it "just because," too...

What is the real Caren like... He stares at the delicious dish, and he shortly is unable to help himself. His expression twists into a lonely one, though he accepts the dish right after and attempts to distract himself by taking a huge bite. He lets the heat of the flavors occupy his mind, doing his best to forget. He shouldn't bother Caren... He had no right. ]

Edited (oops) 2016-07-19 20:09 (UTC)

[She knew it was 'bad' and it was impractical most of the time. Little nibbles, little bites so she could continue to go along, be useful, even if it wasn't believed. Though here she might have laid down the fountain to make Setsuna hurt.

Even if she didn't mean to. Or did.

For a few moments she watches him, with her golden eyes heavy lidded. Then she turns away.]

That's not something to speak about in a kitchen.

Enjoy your meal Setsuna.

[And if he doesn't stop her, she's going to check on the parlor. She left some food out there too.]

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[Open] The Mapo Tofu affair

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