[ semi-open ] and sometimes we sing to the dawn

[accordance]

Who: Lord Light, a couple of people (closed threads in toplevels within), and you.
When: April 12-15, thereabouts
Where: Around Capablanca
What: A useless old man ponders the meaning of his existence. And also builds some things on the side.
Rating: PG+ for Adra's mouth

one;

[ Contrary to first impressions, there is indeed peace and quiet to be found in Capablanca. As one walks along the beaches further and away from the town center, the number of establishments dwindle one by one - until the last ice-cream parlour marks the end of built shoreline. The stretch of untouched sand may be quite small compared to the rest of the beach, but it's still sizeable. Sizeable enough to provide a place of relative silence for Heroes to meditate properly.

It is here, upon the sand, that he draws. Detailed, complex images are sketched into the beachside, a little away from the shoreline so that they would be untouched at low tide. It takes him hours to complete a single drawing, but he doesn't complain a single bit - merely one figure with white hair bent down close to the ground with a single branch in his hand.

At night, high tide washes them away, but he returns for at least an hour every day to add one or two. At other times he builds perfectly regular rings out of shells and other materials lying around, all without a single word. A few locals come to watch, but even then their curiosity wears out as he continues, focused on his task.

If anything, the art is pretty. But what could they mean? ]

two;

[ On an afternoon when the sun is not as harsh, he climbs Ventoso Hill alone. Once he's reached the top, he elects to stand and watch the scenery - he's so still that he might have been mistaken for a statue, if not for the fact that his hair moves and flutters in an opportune breeze.

After a while, he shifts his stance to one more regal, and he begins to sing with a voice much younger than his speaking intonation. When he finishes, there's the slightest hint of a smile on his expression - but it will fade away as soon as he is approached, returning to his normal calmness.

His voice resumes its usual pitch, too. ]

Can I help you with anything?

three;

[ In the mornings, he can be found near the piers - or more specifically, where the seabirds frequent. He might be seated on the jetty or walking along the beach with a small bag of breadcrumbs, and after a while seagulls will start to flock to his location. He feeds them with a rather distant expression (more distant than usual, that is), letting them land on his shoulders and arms.

However, if you express interest in what he's doing, he'll look up with a much more focused countenance. ]

Hello. Would you like to feed them as well?

wildcard;

[ hit me with anything and I'll roll with it! or if you'd like a specific starter, feel free to pm me or contact me at eonflamewing, we'll work something out! ]

Comments

yes good

[accordance]

[ In contrast to Adra's evident rage, Lord Light remains an expression of placidity. He shows no sign of change in his expression, body absolutely still while the other approaches and nearly screams his anger out - grey eyes unblinking, watching with what upon closer examination reveals itself to be a good amount of remorse. It's made all the more remarkable by how little he usually emotes.

He will not reply until Adra has finished talking, letting his expression answer for him right now. But once the elf is done, he will speak. ]

I know. I made mistakes.

[hymnals]

Mistakes!

[ He gestures angrily, with both of his hands, not placated in the slightest. He's had a godawful time in Capablanca, and even before that, he remembers quite acutely the sight of LL, prone inside his crystal. He remembers Bolin, too, silent as the grave for a whole month. He remembers the fear and the worry, and he remembers that, in LL's case, it could have been prevented.

He doesn't miss the remorse on LL's face. It's something, yes, a reaction, a suggestion of feeling--but it's not nearly enough. Not enough to speak to Adra's own feelings, which have been boiling and churning for nearly a month now. ]

That's a gentle fucking term, LL. You made no mistake. You just thought you were above the situation. You thought you had the right of things, when you clearly didn't.

[ He's bristling; his fel green eyes blazing, sparking. He hisses. ]

You were selfish.

[accordance]

[ For the most part, he doesn't fight back. Not with most of the accusations, because they weren't even accusations. They were the truth, and they described most of what he had realized happened. Mishaps in calculations, clouded sight - all these things that could have been prevented in hindsight. Hindsight that he could have turned into foresight, if not for the fact that he was now blind to the golden threads of causality which were at his fingertips before.

He's learned more and more about himself as time passes. Most of them were of things he had lost. ]

Was I anything else?

[ It's not a challenge, not with the quiet tone that he uses. It's an invitation for more answers. ]

[hymnals]

Arrogant. Short-sighted. Stubborn.

[ He recalls the answering message on the crystal, and his scowl deepens. ]

Cavalier.

[accordance]

[ He motions for Adra to continue, still not replying. While the other's first words were accurate, the latter ones were not. It's better reason to listen to another's full thoughts before judging or answering, however - especially since he can no longer scry anything.

It's this lack of predictability that makes things wrong. ]

[hymnals]

[ Adra doesn't like this lack of response--it's not only making him angrier, it's also upsetting. He's here because he's upset, because he cared for LL and to see him suffer--suffer needlessly, especially--hurts. Because he's hurt so much in the past few weeks, and thinking of LL, lying wounded and inert, has been just another handful of salt in his wounds.

He trembles. ]

I don't know what your life was like in your own world. Gods tend to be lonely. Distant. Maybe you didn't have too many personal friendships.

[ His hands ball into fists. ]

But you're not there anymore. You're not a god anymore. You're a man, and I--people--care about you. You can't just walk around like you're removed from us! Like you can carry on as before. You can't, LL. You cannot.

[accordance]

[ It's only when Adra finishes his last statement that he stirs - it's a slight gesture, but he stands up a little firmer, because he understands. Not only does he finally understand fully where the elf was coming from, but it also changed a small facet of his perspective. It's a different sort of caring that the people of Krythe did for their Lord Father. It feels more personal, somehow - maybe he was just being unused to it, but it's not something he thinks he deserves.

After all, he had been immaterial for a long, long time. But things change. ]

You are right.

[ He finally speaks again, grey eyes meeting the other's with a more certain gaze. ]

Thank you for phrasing my mistakes into words, I appreciate it. Now, I can learn from it better.

[ There is a slight pause here, because he knows Adra won't be satisfied with this answer. He's willing to elaborate, not only to explain himself, but also because he trusts the elf. ]

What you said was correct. I was too impersonal. For a very long time, I did not see mortals as how they saw themselves. I could not speak to them, like how you are speaking to me now - on a personal level. And I failed to consider that, here. Circumstances changed, and I failed to divine the true implications that it would bring.

[ For now, he looks... unsure. There's a flicker of something else in his perfectly symmetrical face, but it's gone as soon as it appears. ]

I am blinded. Like how living beings have a sense taken away, except they do not realize it until much later. I used to be able to see so many things, the lines of causality all interconnected. But now, nothing. I had 'taken them for granted', so to speak. This I realize now.

I will take responsibility for my actions.

[hymnals]

[ Adra catches that flicker, but of course he can't divine what it is, or what it means. To him, it's a subtle crack in the foundation--a good thing--but it's much less than he wants.

But change is hard. It's painful, and it's slow, and it comes with missteps, with backslides and failures. He well understands this. Even so, tears prick at the corner of his eyes. He's just so tired. ]

Will you, now?

[ His voice is rough, still angry. ]

How do you plan to do that? What do you plan to do? Acknowledging the situation is one thing. Making an effort is another.

[accordance]

[ There isn't any room to argue, because Adra speaks the truth. And he, too, has a truth in response. ]

I will learn. My mistake was caused by overestimating my abilities. I will need to ascertain their limits, and train to improve them. Learn more, about this world, the people amongst us; how best to work together and better things with our work.

[ It's a surprisingly verbose answer, but it comes to him naturally. He merely speaks the same principles that he has always existed by. ]

[hymnals]

[ Yeah, you better learn, LL! So suggests Adra's still fiery expression, anyway. ]

Light, you sound like a damn machine.

[ He thinks back to the circuitry patterns he noticed on LL's body as he slept in the crystal. He squints. ]

Are you a machine?

[accordance]

[ That is... a good question. ]

No. I do not think so.

[ But his expression wavers, uncertainty clouding his features. And because this is Adra he's speaking with, an individual who also walks with the Light, someone whom he can respect and trust - he gets elaboration. ]

I am not sure what I can be called. Previously, I did tell you that I was a deity. But I now lack the power that should come with such a title. I am no human, no elf, no other creature that has walked upon this world. What, then, do I name myself, apart from my own title? [ Here, he switches to his native tongue for a sentence that he's given to many other people: ] I am Lord Light. But words need reasons to give them meaning.

[ He has found very little. ]

[hymnals]

[ This is getting existential. Adra listens carefully, his eyebrows furrowing, trying to ferret out what exactly is happening here. Truthfully, he has little experience with gods and/or godlike entities who weren't inexpressibly, irredeemably evil. To meet one as innocuous--even benevolent--as LL is a significant change. ]

You lived for your people.

[ He gleaned that well enough from their first talk--LL's people, the apocalypse, and so on. ]

But now you have to live for yourself, LL. You have to expand. You have to--create yourself somehow, independent of others.

[accordance]

[ Living for himself, creating a new identity for him to represent. It sounds easy to speak of, but... ]

You are correct, I need to 'create' a physical identity, something new. I realize that I think similar in ways to a machine. I analyse, I consolidate, and I think. This takes time. Before this, I had an eternity, due to not having a physical form. Now, that has changed. I will need to think on a human, living timeframe.

[ There's a long pause here as his eyes grow distant , gold-flecked irises focused vaguely three feet to Adra's left. ]

I wish to be of use to the people here. That could be a starting point. What is your opinion for this?

[hymnals]

[ Is he really sure that he isn't a machine? Maybe he's just not aware of it. Adra paces on the sand, arms folded behind his back. ]

I can't tell you what to become or how to become it. I can tell you this, though: analysis is not compassion. Logic is not love. You won't truly be of 'use' unless you grow closer to mortality. Not just learning it, but being it. Feeling something, even if it's not rational. Wanting something, even if it's painful. That's what living means for the rest of us down here.

[accordance]

[ There's a short silence while he turns over Adra's words in his head. He can understand them, he can simulate the thoughts that goes on behind them - but truly feeling the intense emotion that had no doubt gripped the elf still falls outside his ability.

There is only so much logic can do, after all. ]

Emotions. [ This he says, after the pause. ] That is the key, I take it?

[hymnals]

Yes. Have you ever had any desires? Any at all?

[ He seems incredulous, but also a little envious. How peaceful it must be, not to want. ]

[accordance]

[ Has he? ]

No. Not on a personal level. I desire a peaceful way of living for my people, to work to help them achieve that. But I suppose that does not count.

[ He needs very little, only people whom he could help, peace and quiet where he could think. This is a partial reason why he has so little material possessions. ]

[hymnals]

[ Adra groans. ]

I wouldn't say that doesn't count, LL. Let me put it another way. Have you ever wanted something just for the sake of wanting it? Not because it would benefit another person, but solely because it would make you, personally, happy.

[accordance]

[ There's a pause, a much longer pause as he thinks. ]

I had wished for peace and quiet to meditate, a few times. I am not sure if it would be filed under making me happy. It made me think more clearly, which was the effect I intended to achieve.

[ That's more of a 'no', really. ]

[hymnals]

[ Yeah, that's definitely a no. Adra rakes his hand down his face. ]

That's ... not quite what I mean, LL.

[ Is it even possible for LL to feel as Adra's describing? To want, to the point of pain? To be irrational, to be stupid, to be anything other than absolutely logical? And if so, what could possibly trigger such behavior? How do you make a machine into a man? ]

Have you felt anything shift in you since coming here? Besides physically, I mean.

[accordance]

[ There is a silence, a long one, as he tries to contemplate giving the answer Adra wanted to hear. ]

... I have learned about small things. Perhaps it was because I did not have the opportunity to do so in my homeworld, but - I feel it easier to speak to others. Not as a deity, but - as a person. One-to-one.

[ Without the regality and formality that came with it; and most importantly the ability to predict what they would say.

[hymnals]

[ Adra doesn't want to hear anything except the truth. ]

Well, that's a start.

[ He spreads his hands in an 'I don't know' gesture. This situation is new territory for him, too. ]

We'll just have to see how far you can go, my friend.

[accordance]

[ It is in new territory that new things are learned.

So he nods. ]

Thank you. I appreciate speaking with you. It helps greatly.

[ He's smiling, a little. ]