And the realization of it has him suddenly oscillating quite rapidly between calmed and flighty because of it. Because even if Road had hugged him to calm him down... even if Cross had thrown an arm roughly around his shoulders once... even if Allen had embraced Sion only to be caught by him as he fell and even if Lenalee had clung to the front of his coat before and he'd hugged her before—
None of that is anything like this. The reassuring stroke of fingers across his back and how warm against the skin that is, tentative that it is.
..which I could suppose you could say means he's also never been properly hugged. Not since he was a small child.
And that's absolutely panic-inducing somehow, just in a way that's not bad either, and he takes advantage of the fact she can't see his face with how it's half-hidden against her hair to stare a little muzzily over her shoulder. Thoughtful. Unsure.
(But as Allen's spiritual strength forever comes from being directly tied to his emotions—he can't do anything to mask the confused roll to his mana for a moment. Like a stomach doing flip-flops.)
Haaah..
It doesn't mean he doesn't shift to rest a hand gently at the back of her head in response. Delicately; with finality. And will pull her a little closer in such a way where she isn't leaning over at quite such an awkward angle on her back and can lean against his arm.
Cradling like something precious. And looking terribly conflicted for a second over it, even if he exhales quietly finally and the tension finally bleeds off. ]
I think...
[ Soft, gentle. Almost a little raspy as it's said by her ear. ]
..I'd be okay in this war if I could make sure something like that doesn't happen again.
[ It's a little muddy, trying to find how he wants to say that. It's not usually muddy. Though by and large too, Allen isn't meant for wars where he can't save someone by destroying them. But protecting humans; the people important to him.. ]
For either of us.
[ Please let's not die for each other, but live to fight for each other. For their friends; the people important to them and the people that don't deserve to suffer the fighting. That's all he means. How he understands being a weapon with the most human of hearts.
And that's why his arms will only tighten a little and he's glad again she can't see his face. ]
2/2
And the realization of it has him suddenly oscillating quite rapidly between calmed and flighty because of it. Because even if Road had hugged him to calm him down... even if Cross had thrown an arm roughly around his shoulders once... even if Allen had embraced Sion only to be caught by him as he fell and even if Lenalee had clung to the front of his coat before and he'd hugged her before—
None of that is anything like this. The reassuring stroke of fingers across his back and how warm against the skin that is, tentative that it is.
..which I could suppose you could say means he's also never been properly hugged. Not since he was a small child.
And that's absolutely panic-inducing somehow, just in a way that's not bad either, and he takes advantage of the fact she can't see his face with how it's half-hidden against her hair to stare a little muzzily over her shoulder. Thoughtful. Unsure.
(But as Allen's spiritual strength forever comes from being directly tied to his emotions—he can't do anything to mask the confused roll to his mana for a moment. Like a stomach doing flip-flops.)
Haaah..
It doesn't mean he doesn't shift to rest a hand gently at the back of her head in response. Delicately; with finality. And will pull her a little closer in such a way where she isn't leaning over at quite such an awkward angle on her back and can lean against his arm.
Cradling like something precious. And looking terribly conflicted for a second over it, even if he exhales quietly finally and the tension finally bleeds off. ]
I think...
[ Soft, gentle. Almost a little raspy as it's said by her ear. ]
..I'd be okay in this war if I could make sure something like that doesn't happen again.
[ It's a little muddy, trying to find how he wants to say that. It's not usually muddy. Though by and large too, Allen isn't meant for wars where he can't save someone by destroying them. But protecting humans; the people important to him.. ]
For either of us.
[ Please let's not die for each other, but live to fight for each other. For their friends; the people important to them and the people that don't deserve to suffer the fighting. That's all he means. How he understands being a weapon with the most human of hearts.
And that's why his arms will only tighten a little and he's glad again she can't see his face. ]
Okay?