[ Those are solid arguments. He can't deny them, really. Much as he'd prefer to think otherwise, a body is not just a body. It's a vessel for connection; the best the universe can offer. But Adra's anxieties over intimacy go beyond his impression of it as self-indulgent, as wasteful. They strike at old fears, old disappointments.
He mutters, covering Gilgamesh's hand with his own. He shudders, even from the ghost of sensation against his ear. ]
Truthfully, Gil ... I agree with you. We connect through this contact, skin to skin. But we cause so much suffering that way, too.
[ How many times had someone (a particular someone) taken his hand, only to crush his fingers? How many times had a seeming embrace turned to punishment, to Adra bleeding on the floor? How is he meant to trust that it won't happen again? That he's safe?
More than anything, he wants to relinquish control. To be held, firmly, in the hands of another person. It's a terrifying, thrilling thought. But so much holds him back, beyond his notions of work ethic, beyond his disappointments in past relationships. So many silent, still years of fractured bones and bloodied knuckles. Things he's never spoken of to anyone, nor imagines that he ever would. ]
cw abuse
He mutters, covering Gilgamesh's hand with his own. He shudders, even from the ghost of sensation against his ear. ]
Truthfully, Gil ... I agree with you. We connect through this contact, skin to skin. But we cause so much suffering that way, too.
[ How many times had someone (a particular someone) taken his hand, only to crush his fingers? How many times had a seeming embrace turned to punishment, to Adra bleeding on the floor? How is he meant to trust that it won't happen again? That he's safe?
More than anything, he wants to relinquish control. To be held, firmly, in the hands of another person. It's a terrifying, thrilling thought. But so much holds him back, beyond his notions of work ethic, beyond his disappointments in past relationships. So many silent, still years of fractured bones and bloodied knuckles. Things he's never spoken of to anyone, nor imagines that he ever would. ]